Me Tarzan, You Jane
by PamFord Davis

Over the years we continue to see re-makes of the original Edgar Rice Burroughs' "Tarzan" movies, including animation and a popular television series. Maybe it is time to dust off the script and re-cycle the dramatization again. I'm sure there would be a world of difference from the original cliff hanger short features at movie matinees!

It would be a real challenge to locate a place in a jungle remote enough for Tarzan to call home. Civilization continues pushing deeper into the interior of Africa. Instead of swinging from vines Tarzan would carefully balance his weight on expansion bridges.

What about the supporting cast, his beloved Jane, son Boy, and faithful chimp, Cheeta? How would they be portrayed today? Hollywood would likely decide a name change was a necessity for Jane. Simple names like Jane or Mary are being pulled from popular name choices. "Presto,Changeo!" Tarzan meets Chelsea in Africa, on assignment for a large London tabloid. She is a career woman, with a capital C! At their first meeting she is turned off by his macho male attitude!

Tarzan is left with his mouth gaping and total mental confusion. He has no idea what her lifelines are. They have names like "lap top, cell phone and I-pod." What ever happened to drums and smoke signals?

Slowly the chemistry draws them together or maybe it was because computer dating was ruled out. Chelsea decides to leave behind the London rat race. She is pushed way out of her comfort zone and is left to trust the instincts of her muscle man. From their union a male child enters their love nest in the tree tops. Chelsea endured the inconvenience of a jungle pregnancy. She did not have an ultrasound to determine the sex of her baby; and Lamaze classes were out of the question. Poor Chelsea; she could not even send her husband to a fast food restaurant for her midnight cravings!

As she gently holds her new born son possible names for the boy swirl through her consciousness. Maybe he should be named Tarzan Jr. to carry on the family name or named in honor of her father. Tarzan was the man of the tree house; his word was law. "His name is boy!"

"Alright, what ever."

"National Geographic" takes a scientific trip to Africa and ends up at the base of Tarzans' tree home. After close investigation they decide Cheeta is not in a protected environment. He must be tranquilized, tagged and transported to a far off region with more chimps of his own kind. Tarzan grieves when Cheeta is not waiting for him at the end of a hard day wrestling crocodiles.

In conclusion you will not find me waiting in the ticket line of a movie theatre for the premiere of coming Tarzan releases. Maybe Tarzan like the "Ford Edsel" has become extinct!

Devotionals are her first love in writing. Published articles in Mature Living Magazine, Devotions for the Deaf, The Secret Place, Light from the Word, Coosa Journal, With God Daily, Mary Hollingsworth's The One Year Devotional of Joy and Laughter.

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