|
Journey of Love
by Cindee Snider Re You arrived in this world Swaddled in love, Anticipated, Hoped for, Delighted in, Eagerly awaited, Joyfully expected. I breathed in your precious scent, And held you when you cried, And when you didn't Just because I could. I watched in fascination Your sleepy smiles, Drowsy frowns, Toes and fingers curled tight, And wondered What you dreamed, Thought, Felt, Imagined, And I loved you deep, Tiny, Precious, Fragile, Beautiful, Child of mine. I held you and watched you grow, First step, First tooth, First bike, And learned that I am not enough, Because my love is Flawed And weak and vulnerable, And self-centered, And incomplete. I held you small and warm In the late September sun As your Dad sawed you free From an unlikely accident. I've bandaged your wounds, And iced your stings, And held your head as they stitched it closed. I held you when they set your foot, And casted your arm, And when you nearly passed out From the shots To set your fractured pinkie. I held you close, Sweating and wild, As they injected Every scratch and bite site Knowing that pain was essential To protect you from worse. I spent long nights In your hospital rooms Learning about diseases With impossible names And trying not to cry. And I held you close When you finally cried, And your body shook from a Pain too big to fit inside, And I cried and whispered From deep in my soul, The only words I could find, "I'm so sorry!" Sorry that I am not enough That I can't fix this, Or reach your wounds, Or salve your pain, Or find the words to heal, For I am not enough And it hurts. Too often I still get it wrong, Sometimes every bit of it In a thousand different ways Saying what I shouldn't, When I shouldn't, How I shouldn't, Hurting you deep. I speak when I ought to be silent, And I'm silent When you need me to speak. I act without thinking, Saying, doing, being Something, Someone So other than you need, Incomplete, Insufficient, Too small, Too weak and weary To ever be enough. I've taught you to cook and clean And write your name, And handed you the keys As you learned to drive, But I will never be enough. I've packed your suitcase A dozen times And you still arrived With no Purell For I am not enough. Not enough to love Without exception, Or limitation, Or reservation, Or expectation, Or mistake. But I will love you with all that I am. Even when math is hard, And chemistry looms And SATs didn't go as planned. Even when you're tired and stubborn And lazy and refuse to do your chores, I will love you. And when your words hurt, And I cry, I will love you With all that I am. Beyond your words, Around every bend, Through each season, And every possible circumstance, I will love you However imperfectly And haltingly incorrect, And I will lift your name To the One who IS enough, More than enough, The only One who is able To love you completely, In wild abandon, Beyond measure Or price or worth, Because you are His Delighted in Heir of the King, Beautiful, precious, Priceless, Child of God! *To my five precious, priceless treasures here on earth and their sweet sibling awaiting them in Heaven. I love you with all that I am! ~Mom Cindee Snider Re lives in Sussex, WI with her husband, their five children, two cats, and two Shichon puppies. She enjoys quiet evenings, long walks, good books, homeschooling her kids, and lots of good, strong, hot, black tea. August, 2011 http://www.BreatheDeeply.org Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |