Relatives
by geoff anderson

(A middle-aged woman and a mid-teen girl walk onstage from opposite sides and sit down on chairs about two metres apart, facing the audience. Their lines are directed at the audience except when indicated towards the end.)


NIECE: I'm young
AUNT: I'm old. Actually I'm middle-aged but to my niece here that seems old.
NIECE: Shes ancient.

AUNT: I'm experienced.
NIECE: I'm naive. Actually, I understand a lot about the important things in life but to an old person like my aunt I seem naive.
AUNT: She doesn't know tuppence.

NIECE: I'm enthusiastic.
AUNT: I'm dull. Actually, I feel very strongly about all sorts of issues but I just don't have the time or the energy to do anything about them.
NIECE: She's past it.

AUNT: I like brightly coloured banners
NIECE: (turns to face aunt) You do? So do I! Why don't we make some?
AUNT: (turns to face niece) We couldn't possibly! My sewing's dreadful.
NIECE: (to aunt) I can sew.
AUNT: (to niece) You? Can you really?
NIECE: (to aunt) But I'm useless at design: do you know anyone who could draw some designs?
AUNT: (to niece) Why not ask the Sunday School children?
NIECE: (to the audience) Sunday School kids? But they're too -
AUNT: (to the audience) - they're too what?

(They immediately stand erect and walk off quickly in opposite directions, to mirror how they came in.)

English. Masters in French. Retired parish priest. Associate Writer with Redemptorist Publications (Anglican Dept). Also published in Church Times and BBC 'Book of the Future'. UK tour manager of Russian Orthodox 6-person choir. Works copyright of Geoff Anderson in perpetuity. Contact [email protected]

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