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Always
by Laura Swindon-Ross I was lying in a hospital bed the other day, feeling rather sorry for myself. I was in for an investigation, and like all who undergo such things, I was apprehensive, self-absorbed and worried. It wasn't that I didn't have faith in the doctors and nurses and various other hospital staff who were looking after me in this time of trial, it was just that I was lying there, faced with the prospect of... myself. Now, I have this theory, and it goes like this - when God wants our attention, he gives us a little nudge. As I lay in that hospital bed, waiting to be wheeled off to theatre, I couldn't help but take a long, hard look at myself. I had been so busy lately, what with writing, teaching, dealing with family issues, travelling, planning holidays, even just spring-cleaning the house, that I had hardly taken a breath to look at myself and ask myself that perennial question: "Laura, how are you doing?" Well, how was I doing? That was a very good question. I had been going like a bull at a gate, rushing around, losing my cool, making small mistakes which, like the proverbial snowball rolling down a mountain, somehow gathered momentum and became larger and inordinately clumsy, banging into people whom I loved. I had been running around, trying to be like Martha, when I should have been like Mary; I had been trying to chase perfection in a distorted looking-glass. Like Alice, I had wandered down a rabbit-hole of the surreal and topsy-turvy, trying to buy more time, trying to fit things in, trying to be a super-everything and then one day whilst visiting the doctor, I turned what looked like a small, uneventful corner, but it had something rather more momentous waiting on the other side. The good doctor had some rather concerning news for me. I have to say, I crashed. Not right at that moment in his rather over-tidy office, but driving home, going to bed that night, kissing my dear husband, the doctor's sombre advice filtered down inside me, like a block of slowly melting ice. What had I been doing lately? I asked myself. What was I thinking? I had been giving everything else priority in my life, getting caught up in my own importance and yet I had failed to fully accommodate the central mainstay of my life, and that was, my relationship with God. I honestly couldn't remember the last time that I had sat down with God and truly given Him my time; all I had done lately was to offer Him a succession of quick theological 'sprints', as I called them. I was ashamed of myself. When I looked at myself in that hospital bed, all I could see was a woman who had, in her rush to be everything to everybody (but mainly to herself), had offered God a number when He had called on her, and told Him to stand in line. Now, here He was, saying "Laura, I need your attention. It's time we talked about you." Well, as I lay in that bed with its tightly starched and mitred corners, I looked up at the ceiling and for the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of peace. My anxiety melted and seemed to dissipate through the walls as I realised that God had been patient with me for all those crazy months of my recent life. Now, seeing me in imminent danger of sliding, He had called me back. There's nothing like a body that isn't quite working right to make a person sit up and pay attention. The body is the helpmate of the soul, and the soul, well as we all know, that belongs to God. Sickness is the Lord saying "Hey, I want you to pay a little attention now. Are you listening? Look after yourself. Take some time. For in doing this, you are also looking after all of those whom you love - and who love you in return. You're honouring your God. Come a little closer - listen to your heart. No life is without its trials; that is how we enrich our love and learn - it's how we earn our stripes. Oh - and Laura?" counselled God, "Never forget, what I told you in the ages of that sacred history of love - I have you in the palm of my hand. "Always, God?" I asked Him quietly, as the hospital porters came to wheel me off to theatre. Down the silent corridors, around the unknown corners, through the bleakly waiting doors - the needle was going in now. "Always." Deus te amat: God loves you. Cherish these words and keep them in your heart. This work is copyright, all rights reserved. I'm a teacher and Christian writer. Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |