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His Secret Place
by Thais Sherell J The past few months have placed the icing on top of a cake made from years of inner pain, suffering and confusion. I remember nights on end when I prayed for the sweet hand of death to consume me in order to escape from what I felt was hell on earth. I was dying from the inside out and I felt utterly alone though people overshadowed me. Im dying Lord; just take me. I would cry, crouched on the floor of my bathroom in the wee hours when no man should be awake. I cant go on God; the pain, the sorrow is more than I can bear. The impact was so bad that there were moments I felt that even God had forsaken me. God what did I do so wrong to deserve this? What did I do wrong? Well, I suppose it was what I did right. I will never forget the burning desire I felt to know Him more at the tender age of nine. We were at church in Harlem. I begged my mother to allow me to be baptized in our new church home. She agreed and I was baptized. Next, I went to the upper room to seek more of Him. I cried and made promises to never turn my back on Him if He would just send me His spirit. I asked Him to never let me go and I would cling to Him forever. That night I vowed my life to Him and He took me at my word. He would show me more. I did not know that in order to know God and His secret place one must first learn of Him in His suffering. It would be through my suffering that I would develop the heart and mind of Christ. You see, suffering breaks the stubborn will and creates space where God can do His thing within us. Through pain I would understand His love and through His love I would know more of Him. My suffering was drawing me closer to Him, closer to my destiny. I felt as though I was dying; now I understand that I was and still am dying dying to my will and my ways. Painful as it is, the flesh must die in order to get into His presence, but the best part is that once we are in His presence, pain loses its sting; trouble has no power, and sickness loses its touch. So, Im learning not to fret about the pain and discomfort I am experiencing now because I have hope and knowledge from His word that weeping endures for a night but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Thaïs (ty eese) has written, produced and hosted numerous TV shows, screenplays, stage plays, films and stories for herself and others. Her goal is to exhibit God's creative gifts to draw souls towards God's extended arms and saving grace. 2003 www.thais411.com Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |