It’s an over-cast gray Texas morning. I can hear the train a few blocks away, blowing the whistle, it’s so quiet I can even hear the wheels gliding along on the metal tracks. I don’t have a single light on in the house. My dogs are sleeping on the couch all cuddled next to each other; listening to them breath so softly has a soothing effect on me. I had to turn off the television; I could not stand to listen to one more report about all the terrible things going on in the world, in America, even here in my small East Texas town. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I know our time here on earth is fleeting at best yet I still struggle trying to understand why I can’t seem to find the good and see past all the bad, it makes me feel less of a Christian than I think I should be. But, I remind myself no matter what happens or even who I am; God is still Good.

I am fighting a migraine this morning, actually, I tossed and turned most of the night-the pain of the migraine wouldn’t let me sleep and my mind kept repeating the past like that old show, “This is your life”. Except in my version all I could think about were all the missed opportunities, the bad choices and the people who had hurt me. I finally said out loud, Enough! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and reminded myself that God is still Good.

I must admit I have never been a good judge of time; it’s not that I am running late to appointments, but I am horrible with dates. If I don’t write it down, well I don’t remember. I have always admired people who could recall exactly where they were ten years ago to the month and sometimes the day. I have often wondered if it is because I do not have any children that I have somehow mixed time up, erased dates in some strange effort to ease the passage of time without a child to hold, to love and raise up to love God. I think marking time by watching children grow would have been a wonderful thing and I imagine I will probably struggle with this loss for the rest of my life. I take a deep breath this thought still piercing my heart and I remind myself that God is still Good.

I know that each of us has experienced loss, pain and heartache and no matter how we present ourselves to the world we all have regrets. Sometimes those regrets can take us to a valley that wraps around us like a dark gray morning. But we are never, ever alone. God is with us every step of the way and no matter how awful things get in our life time, no matter what the world says or does there will be times of joy and happiness. Even through pain and sorrow we will have love and beauty. Keeping our eyes on Christ and our hearts toward Home, we all just have to breath and remember that God is still Good.

I have been writing all my life, I just didn't realize it until I was my late 40's.  I hope my experiences can help others who have gone through similar trials.