Counselor's Corner: Encouraging Yourself When Others Don't
by stephanie reck


There was a time in my life that I got encouragement all the time, or so I thought it was encouragement as I worked fervently trying to do what others expected from me and pleasing others while I myself was not. Now that I follow what the Holy Spirit wants me to do instead of people, I noticed the “so-called” encouragement is much less.


I admit at one time I needed this almost daily dose of encouragement from others because I was so insecure about myself, and was fueled by the opinions that others had of me. If other people were pleased with me, then I was pleased with myself, but if other people were upset with me or did not like something that I did, I automatically agreed with their opinions of me; whether good or bad.


When you stop doing what others want of you, the encouragement may stop or what I like to call flattery. I allowed people to build me up and tear me down because I believed that I was truly a reflection of what they thought of me.


Your emotions and feelings will be all over the place if you allow people the right to influence what they think of you. Having a deep concern for what others think of you can cause you to have low self-worth and lack confidence.


I have learned that the best encouragement that you can get is allowing God to speak truth about who you are. If you are confident in what thinks of you, it will not matter or as much what others think of you.


I have found that when others form an opinion about you without truly knowing your heart, they are judging what they can’t see about you. I have often said if others could only “see my heart,” they would not be so quick to judge me for what I do or do not do. I have also said, “walk a mile in my shoes,” then you can criticize what you don’t like about me.


Everyone likes to be encouraged but there are times that we may not receive from others what we need, during those times you can learn to encourage yourself.


Ways to encourage yourself when others don’t:


  1. Allow God to speak the truth about what He thinks about you. Spend time in His presence and ask God to encourage you. David from the book of Psalms encouraged himself when he was in distress. He encouraged himself by remembering God’s past deliverances and through prayer.
  2. Focus on the good in your life. Be intentional in focusing on your strenghts. Don’t come into agreement with the low-opinions others have of you.
  3. Be your own best friend or counselor. What a best friend or counselor say about you? Most likely it would be support and encouragement. Treat yourself just as fair as someone who would care deeply about you.
  4. Remember all the things that you have achieved and accomplished in life; this is especially important if you have allowed others to dictate how “successful” you are now.
  5. When you have done a job well, reward yourself. Don’t wait for others to praise and reward you for working hard.


Many times, people feel dissatisfied with life because they don’t feel appreciated and valued by others. We all long to be valued by others, but if your happiness depends on this you may become quite discouraged.





Stephanie R. Reck, LMSW, LBT, BCCC
Founder of Hope Ministry
[email protected]
Hope Ministry, @2020
Author of, "Disciplining Your Mind 30 Days to a Better You!"

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