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Processing Miscarriage
by Anna Wood The pain of miscarriage can sometimes linger for years as you notice other children who are just about the ages that yours would have been, had they lived. You may unintentionally seek the lost child among your living ones. You may find yourself seeking out pregnant women and wishing that it could be you instead of her that was still pregnant. I've lost several children to miscarriage and I've done all of these. (For years, my husband and I both would unintentionally seek out a missing child when we did head checks of our surviving children). The pain may lessen after a few weeks or it may linger for months. It may get better only to get worse when something reminds you of your lost child. Take time to deal with the pain. It is important to remember your child and celebrate his brief existence. Your baby is safe in heaven and if you are a Christian, then you have assurance that you will one day see your lost little one again. Some women journal about their child and their experience with losing her. Some memorialize him in other ways: some mommies might want to plant a tree in honor of their lost child, others might feel the need to write a letter to their child expressing their love for them and their bewilderment at losing them. I personally feel that it is very important to name your baby. To me the babies that I lost are as much my children as any of my surviving children are. Naming your child also makes it harder for others to minimize your loss. Please understand that healing will eventually come--if you allow it to. Processing the stages of grief can last anywhere from a few days (rare) to a few years (also, rare). You will eventually move through the shock and the numbness of the realization that you are losing or have lost your baby. This numbness actually protects you and gives you time to prepare to accept the loss. Next, comes suffering the pain of the loss. Spiritually, emotionally and physically you may ache and feel as if you are falling apart. Not only do others not know what to say to you but you don't know what to say to them. You know that your baby was real: you went through the baby's death. It can be much harder for others to grasp. Spiritually, you may question why God allowed this to happen to you when you, unlike some other women who had and then abused their babies, actually wanted yours. It doesn't make sense to you. This is where faith and trust in Who God is, is imperative. Knowing that God is GOOD no matter what is going on in our lives is so important to understand. He, too, lost a Child and He knows your pain. Eventually, if you allow yourself to, you will begin to process and accept the loss of your child and recovery can begin in earnest. You will begin to incorporate your baby's memory into your life--carrying it with you as a precious reminder, not only of what could have been but what was. New hopes and dreams for the future will then be able to rise out of the ashes of the past. Anna Wood is a Christian wife, mother of 9 children, homeschooler and writer. Her desire is to know, love, and obey God and bring Him glory and help others to do the same. Her website is called The Apples of Gold and is at http://theapplesofgold.com Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |