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ENCOUNTER WITH REALITY
by Marijo Phelps I had been a professing atheist for 9 years. Although we had been raised in the Methodist church no one ever spoke about a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. So, even in conservative Iowa State University it was easy to be challenged and decide God didn't exist. I knew in my heart of hearts that if he did exist, I needed to be obedient to him and I wanted to do my own thing so much I ignored logic and the Lord. Worst thing was I always fell short of the standards I had set for myself. Drew lines in the sand and proceeded to step over them time and again. I was not wild by the world's standards but was not knowing the Lord at all. This is a poem I wrote to explain my transition process: ENCOUNTER WITH REALITY I was walking in the mountains Along a dusty, narrow road Trying to get away from it all I had been under quite a load I guess work was tolerable My love life was fine I had some good close friends Plenty of food and wine Picked up that course I wanted Had gotten off on astrology Was into Women's Lib And had passed geology I finally weighed 122 Was making a lot of bread Had a really great "old man" But something was bothering my head I stopped to look at the purple flowers Paused at a crystal stream to drink Was not sure where this was leading to But knew I had to get away to think My life seemed all together It was really the best it could be But I felt all tied up and restless And was really itching to be free Ok, now, wait a minute Let me think and rearrange What would I do differently If I could have a magic change? He and I would be in the woods In a small A-frame cabin there We'd have a dog and cats all around And a garden...that was fair... But every time I dreamed them up. These dreams I liked to hoard. I knew that in a couple of months I'd be searching, restless and bored Is that really all there is to life? There must be something more If I have everything I need and want Then what's this emptiness for? I scuffed my toe on a rock as I wandered on And looked up in time to see A ragged young man, with a sore on his hand Coming down the path towards me Normally, I'd have been a little scared But this guy was about my size He smiled at me with the friendliest smile But what really drew me were his eyes It is hard to tell you much about them They were the warmest hue I know this doesn't make much sense But they seemed ancient, yet sparkling new He was dressed in a shirt tied round with a rope Looked kind of like a blanket to me With broken down sandals and dusty pants I'd guess he was about 33 He nodded at me as he came close "Out for a walk today?" I told him I was doin' some thinking And continued along my way Somehow I knew he was still there And I started to get a little huffy This was supposed to be a solo walk I was warmed by his voice, but still feeling stuffy Before I could think up an excuse He turned and caught up with me "Do you feel all bound up and trapped Like you're never going to get free?" I stopped short and looked at him And I felt Like blurting out "What's your scam?" But something about him stopped me short And I surprised myself with "I suppose I am" I felt my stomach tied in knots I'd been trying to keep this inside With annoyance and exasperation I thought Well, what have I got to hide? We stopped for a moment and he gazed at me "You know, there is a way" I got all fired up and ready to reply Then I forgot what I was about to say I began to get really uptight Words usually came easy for me "I've tried a bunch of ways before And none of them set me free." My gift of gab returned with a smile Thought I'd get a chance to burn his ear "I've tried dope and wine, people and places, The US and Canada in my camping gear." "I've been into clothes and nursing To school and worked, been both far and near Into astrology, psychology, biology, hey, I'm no kid, I'm 27, I was even married for a year." He stood there so patiently Apparently waiting for me to go on So, "I got divorced and dated a lot And now I'm living with Tom..." And he still stood there Seeming so gentle and calm I almost felt like a bulldozer As I shifted gears and plowed on "I've been 5 years in college Got my AA degree Have worked here and there Whatever suited me... Have been a volunteer Given of my hours Have walked in thunder And played in showers... Have loved a few people Grown up a lot Did meditation for awhile And then a little pot... Really like wine coolers And outdoor mountain streams Am fair at writing letters Have written poetry by the reams..." I paused for a moment With it all passing in review "I've done all I wanted There isn't much that's new" By this time I sat down Feeling emptier inside "I've done so much junk There isn't much I haven't tried." He picked up a rock beside me And sat down, not too near "Have you ever given much thought As to why we're all here?" Mentally I clicked off That answer too I had it all together, at least I thought I did, before I met you... "I guess I believe in superior life And all that stuff about outer space How they came here to teach us And looked like gods to the human race" "What about the Bible How does that fit in? How about Adam and Eve And their original sin?" Now you've really done it girl, You've run into a religious kook One who still believes in god And that ancient "holy book" I thought about telling him off But before I could think what to say I glanced back into his face His eyes clouded and looked far away "Marijo, I knew you then And I know you still It was there I bled and died for you Up on Calvary Hill" I sat there with my mouth open I never told him my name I grew suddenly very quiet This wasn't any game I glanced at his raw hands No, this couldn't be I don't even believe in god Let alone crucifixion on a tree But something about his manner Made me sit quite still As I did I could almost see him On that cross upon that hill I looked into those soft brown eyes My thoughts raced on and on My life had been so empty Could this really be god's only son? Hey, come on, You're too smart for that You don't really believe... Wait a minute, shut up The emptiness seemed relieved The voice inside went on to say Hey, you've dabbled in religions before And when the novelty was over they've let you down And have flown right out the door. But I've never considered Jesus And that the Bible might be true "If you are who you say you are, Then tell me what to do" Suddenly I felt old and small Even with new sweatshirt and pants "If you are who you say you are, Then please give me a chance?" "There's so many things I've done That I'm not proud of I really goofed off and messed up a lot And I actually don't deserve your love" Inside me rang I'm sorry But what was there to say I looked at him, my tears running down "Can you forgive me and show me the way?" With a loving, forgiving smile he stood there All white-robed radiant to see "At last my child, this is your day You now are truly free!" "Jesus, Jesus you ARE real And more alive than anyone could be!" As he lifted heavenward he said "Marijo, follow, follow ME!!" I didn't actually meet a person on that mountain top but the Lord started dealing with me that weekend and my thought processes are like those recorded here. It was actually a matter of months before I realized God's forgiveness and salvation plan for me but I am here to say that the man-God I finally met is even more real than the one portrayed! PRAISE JESUS! My blog is: http://myincrediblelord.blogspot.com/ (C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with proper credits About Self Saved by His grace in 1974, from 9 years of professing atheism into His loving arms. RN for 23 years, missionary with YWAM then statistical analyst for Every Home for Christ over 9 years. Living with my husband in the middle of a mountain meadow. GRIN! Wanting to spread the good news Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |