So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom - Psalms 90:12 (KJV)
How often do we really think about how many days we will be on this earth? More precisely, how often do we consider how we are spending our days and the effects we have on others?
Recently, God opened my eyes to a character flaw that I possessed. As a result of some events that had taken place, I was feeling emotionally wounded, and offended. I had spent the better part of a week talking about it to my family. In truth, I was feeling sorry for myself, and wanted them to feel sorry for me, too. Ouch! No one wants to admit their faults, but if we aren't honest with ourselves, we can't be honest with others either.
One evening during this week, I was feeling as though my wounds were hemorrhaging. My thoughts kept replaying all the offenses I was tallying up. When my husband came home, we talked. Actually I did most of the talking, and it was more akin to whining. I did tell him that I knew I couldn't control what was happening. However, I could control how I reacted. I told him that I was going to choose to love the ones who hurt me, and not allow my heart to be hardened toward them.
After we went to bed, I began to talk with God about everything that was going on. As I prayed, I started to slip off to sleep. Somewhere between waking and sleep, my mind flashed to a scene of me driving a car. I had finished what I was doing in town and was headed home. The striking thing about this dream is that it felt real. I actually felt like I was driving. To me it was as real as typing this article.
In my dream, I approached an intersection and was waiting on the light to change. When it turned green, I pulled out and another vehicle struck the car, causing it to fly off the highway, and roll over multiple times. The impact took my breath away, and I felt my body jerking violently from the car rolling. I gasped for air and my heart pounded as I realized I was not going to survive.
Then, everything froze. I knew God was in the car with me, and I heard Him whisper in my ear. "Your life can be over this quick." Then there was a long pause before he continued and asked me. "Are you pleased with how you have spent your final days?"
As the gravity of His words sank in, I saw a picture of my two sons, their families, and my husband. I saw how they reacted to my death, and how bitter they were toward the situation that had hurt me. It was as if God showed me how my words, no, my complaining, had affected them. He showed me that the final days of my life had been filled with negative actions that would leave long-lasting results. All of those results were bad. My family was filled with bitterness, and it plagued them for the rest of their lives. In this dream, I began crying out, trying to tell them not to be bitter. Hatred was not the answer. I begged them to let go of all their anger, but they couldn't hear me. With humiliation I realized my words had been poison to them, and knowing this crushed my heart.
When I woke up, I knew God had given me the dream to chasten me. I knew I needed an attitude adjustment.
The next morning, I would be going to town to run errands, and I knew I would be driving through the intersection I dreamed about. I really wasn't sure if God was telling me I was about to leave this world, but I did know that He wanted me to stop complaining about things I had no control over.
I started to pray once more, but this time it was to repent of my sinful attitude. I begged God to forgive me. Then, I begged Him not to let my life end just yet. I didn't want my final days to be filled with careless words and a selfish attitude that had poisoned my family.
I finally fell asleep that night after spending a good long while with God and listening for His lead on how to go forward.
It has been weeks since that dream, and as you can see, it was not my time to leave this world. It was my time to grow up a little bit more. My desire now is to make sure that my days are spent glorifying the positive things in life.
It doesn't mean that unpleasant things won't happen any more, it just means that I will spend less time focusing on them. Life is too short. I want to keep my focus on all that is good. More than that, I don't ever want my words to poison someone else's spirit again.
My prayer is that the Lord will let life, and all that is good, be what flows from me till the end of my days.
I say: "Lord, teach me to number my days, and apply my heart unto wisdom!"
From the beginning the Lord let me know I was to share whatever He inspired me to write. Now, over a decade later, I'm still sharing what He's given.