Save Your Marriage by Going To The Root of the Problem
by Angie Lewis 6/29/2009 / Marriage
There is so much written about "how to save a marriage" it can seem a bit overwhelming at times. The truth is no one can really save your marriage but you. Marriage gurus can throw out the breadcrumbs, but in the end it is all about you and your willingness to do what really needs to be done to save your marriage.
Your marriage belongs to God. And when you truly believe this that is when you can actually give yourself (marriage) to God. If you don't believe that your marriage belongs to God then you are reading the wrong article.
What happens when you hand your marriage over to God? God helps you to look beyond the petty quarrelling, faults and weaknesses of each other. Why focus on the negative? When you stop focusing on the negative aspects of your spouse you will be better able to seek a solution, not based on negative feelings, but on the principled acts of love. As long as you base your marriage on "how your spouse makes you feel" nothing will ever improve.
Marriage gurus can attempt to tell you what needs to be done to improve your marriage but they can't go to God for you. They can't make your heart willing to see what needs to be done so you can make the necessary changes in yourself. If you believe that marriage belongs to God then you have to give your marriage to God. Why do you keep giving it to the world? Does your marriage belong to God or to the world? You decide.
Are you carrying around a not so humble heart toward your spouse? What is that going to do for you? Absolutely nothing. I believe that once you can take your eyes off of your spouse's faults you'll be able to see your faults much more clearly. The problem is not that your spouse cheated, or that they are controlling, or wrapped up within an addiction, or that they are cruel and treat you bad. The problem is in how you allow these things to affect you and how you react because of them.
The root of the problems in marriage stem from the inability to properly resolve issues and the lack of understanding the importance of priorities. The major setback for couples is they are not using the principles for marriage that have been taught to them. Couples aren't resolving issues and when they do they go by their own understanding of what they think should be done. But it is not what should be done based on the Creator of marriage.
Principle 2. Be a giver. Give in. Be encouraging. Show compassion. Be submissive. Be forgiving. Ask Christ for the guidance you need. When we don't allow these principles to take precedent in our lives we are handling our marriage just like everyone elsewithout God. If you believe you are a child of God then show it in your marriage. Christian love is not a feeling but a choice. Have you made your choice?
Principle 3. Be respectful of Spouse. Be considerate of your spouse's feelings. Show reverence and high opinion for the person you married. Be appreciative of what you have been blessed with. I've noticed lately that people treat their animals better than their spouse. This is very wrong! Let go of anger and bitterness or it will make you sick, literally. What is controlling your heart in your marriage? If your heart only cares about getting your needs met through your spouse then your marriage is in dire trouble.
THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IS
Principle 1. God should guide your marriage. Placing God where God belongs, at the top of your priority list is what your marriage needs! Humble your heart and mind to God and you will see more clearly to what your position is in the marriage. You are not God and your spouse is not God, and trying to control each other as if you were God will never work! That's not the way God designed marriage to be.
Putting God first means everything you say and do comes from the principles taught you for living a righteous life. Now you will have something beautiful and awesome to base your marriage on. If your marriage belongs to God then the top of your priority list is putting God first, spouse second, children third, and ministry and self last.
And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35