Restoring Marriage When Only One Spouse Is Willing
by Angie Lewis 9/14/2009 / Marriage
Stop everything you're doing and write down these principled ways for reconnecting and restoring the broken bonds with your spouse. Apply each of these principles every day until you have completed them all. Don't worry about what your spouse will say or do, just do these steps for yourself and for God.
Forgive Your Spouse
Forgiveness is the greatest principle ever created. Instead of being vengeful, spiteful, resentful, and unforgiving, Christ teaches us to forgive. Forgiveness is much needed before you can restore the marriage because without forgiving your spouse they may feel exasperated, move on, and find someone who will forgive and love them. Forgiving your spouse lifts the burden from you and frees you to love again. Forgiveness is freedom of heart, mind, and soul. Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22
Bible Study Together
Make time for the Lord! It is so important to make time for understanding and learning about God's will for your marriage. Couples should not forget about the importance of growing and connecting with the Lordit is what brings couples back together again. It is God who brought you together in the beginning and it is God who will reunite you again. If your spouse is unwilling to read the bible with you, then read it on your own. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)
Trust Your Spouse
Just like forgiveness, trusting your spouse involves fruit from your spirit. Christ gives us fruit when we remain faithful to Him and do His will in our marriage. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)
Trusting your spouse takes all of the above attributes. If you do not trust your spouse now then you must pray about it and ask Christ for the guidance you need. Trust is an important aspect of having a close intimate and emotional bond with your spouse. In reality, real trust for our spouse comes from trusting in our self. How do we trust in ourselves? Through having a close intimate connection with our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Forgiveness works very closely with trust. If a spouse has hurt you in some way and you stop trusting them then the intimate and emotional bonds between you will break. Talk with your spouse about ways in which they can begin to be more accountable to you. Let them know that because of past behavior you need this kind of accountability from them right now. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
If you and your spouse are separated now, then you may be unable to apply any real accountability into the marriage, but you can let your spouse know that you forgive them and trust them for anything they may have done in the past and that you are now moving forward in the Lord, and taking care of your self and any responsibilities that join you to the marriage. They need to know that you are not going to resent them or play head trips with them because of a past sin they may have committed.
Communicate Intimately Every Day!
Don't let a day go by that you do not have an intimate conversation with your spouse. Is there something on your mind, talk about it today. Get things off your mind productively. Don't beat around the bush, but be straightforward and honest about your feelings.
Believe it or not couples can lose touch with one another emotionally and intimately when they do not take the time to be there for each other through communication of feelings and self-expression. Who are you married to? Do you know? What does your wife need most from you? What do you need most from your wife? How can husband and wife meet these needs of each other? By being givers! Do you know the person you are married to? If not, why not?
This is why scripture states to build each other up. It is through your intimate and emotional conversations with your spouse and doing things together that builds couples up. We all need encouragement now and again; even those people who have close relationships with Christ. In ideal marriages it is essential that couples be there for each other! Therefore encourage one another, and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:10)
By applying these steps into your marriage you will be putting God first in your life and marriage. You will be doing the will of God for your life. Blessed is the man (woman) who makes the LORD his trust. (Psalm 40:4)