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We Are All Responsible-Stop The Molestation Part 3

by Angela Willingham  
9/20/2009 / Self Help

For the last several sessions we have discussed molestation from the perspective of the victim and the accused abuser. This time we want to discuss it from the perspective of the rest of us. Those of us who were not abused and were not abusers, but we know someone who has been. Maybe we don't know anyone. Maybe we have been blessed not to know anyone that has been abused or abused, but the question we have to ask ourselves is, what is our responsibility? As the family and/or the community, what are we supposed to do to provide support and encouragement to the abused and to get the abuser the help he or she needs?

Even if it has not affected us personally, we have all seen the articles on the news or in the papers about molestation. We can no longer ignor it and act like it is not happening. We have seen the large sums of money being paid out to settle the situation or provide some type of restitution or recompense. Does that really work? Are those who were involved really okay? Does money solve the whole problem? Does money bring healing and restoration to the situation or the people involved? I would say, no it does not.

The truth is as family and community we have a much bigger job to do. We have not done all that we could to support and protect the victims or to help the abuser get the help they need to turn their lives around. The truth is that most of the time our eyes have been closed. We have looked the other way and pretended as though it was not happening. The truth is we have been in denial, acting as though it was not really happening, or it was happening in somebody else's family, but not ours. The truth is we are finding out more and more every day about situations in families that no one ever talked about, but they were there. Does it really matter whose family it is happening in? Isn't the real issue that it is happening at all?

The mother who ignored the fact that her husband or live in boyfriend was a little too attentive to the child. She knew he was not in bed with her at night and their sex life was or was not what she thought it should be, but she was afraid to question, because he was the sole breadwinner or provider for the family. Then when she was told by her own child what was happening, she again ignored it because she was in denial and accused the child of lying, not making any effort to even check into the situation. Where is a child to go when your own mother will not believe you? Where do you go when you feel the weight of the family's existence is on your shoulders, because if you tell, the abuser will be taken out of the house along with the only source of income? Everyone will be mad at you if you tell. How many children have kept the secret because they were afraid of how people would look at them or blame them?

The truth is the act is wrong. The abuser is wrong and our denial as a community and society is wrong and is just making it worse. It is not the child's fault. As a society we have made it very difficult for the victim to find the support they need by our denial. It is time for that to change it is time to turn it around. It is time to stop worrying about what might happen if we deal with it in the best interest of everyone involved. It is time to stop ignoring the fact that Uncle Joe is to familiar with the young girls in the family. Everyone knows what is going on and no one will say anything, because that is just Uncle Joe. The family's denial has resulted in the molestation of multiple young girls and or boys. Everyone's silence has caused the children to be victimized. Uncle Joe needs help and someone will have to have the boldness to speak up to ensure that he gets the help he needs. It's time to say, ENOUGH! STOP, THE MOLESTATION! Uncle Joe, is a molester and he needs help, he needs to be stopped period. Stop allowing young people to sit on his lap and just looking away. Stop, whispering about it in the other room and address it. Stop trying to keep your kids away from him when you know that there are other family members that have no idea what is going on. You have to stand up with all the boldness in you and say, enough, I will not tolerate this any longer.

As families and as a community our response has to be one of protection for our young people and a desire to see those that are guilty of this atrocity against them dealt with. Yes, God can change them, but our first response has to be to stop them. Not sitting back making excuses for their bad behavior, not laughing and joking about it and not whispering about it. It must be dealt with and it starts with each one of us. Lives are being ruined and destroyed by our silence and denial.
The molester needs
confrontation, not denial
support and encouragement to get the help they need, not denial
responsibility and accountability, not denial
counseling and education, not denial

The victim needs
our love and support, not denial
encouragement that they did nothing wrong, not denial
protection from being victimized, not denial

As a community we have a big job ahead of us and it will require, boldness in dealing with the tough issues, but we all have a responsibility to deal with it. Family members, family friends, church members, parents, spouses, school teachers and administrators, we all have to do our part. The bible is clear in 2 Timothy 1:7: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. That means we can no longer be afraid of dealing with the tough issues. The lives of our children, families and communities are depending on us to deal with these things and not to operate from a place of denial. Yes, it will be hard and sometimes you may have to betray someone's confidence to get them the help they need. I want you to think about it. If you were the victim, would you want someone to do something? If the victim were your child, would you want someone to do something? If you have experienced this as either the victim or one of your children was the victim, was the situation handled correctly? Do you wish that you or someone else involved had done something differently? We can't go back, but we can move forward, so I want to encourage you today to deal with these situations and don't deny them any longer. Your speaking up may keep another child from being victimized.

Each one of us has to stand up, declare that this has gone on long enough and take responsibility to stop the molestation.

Weekly Scripture:

2 Timothy 1:7:

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline

Angela Willingham, CEO New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc.
www.mynewtemple.org
Copyright New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc.

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