Marriage: I Don't Love You Anymore
by Angie Lewis 10/06/2009 / Marriage
Think about the title of this article for just a moment and how corny it sounds. I don't love you anymore. Actually when a spouse says, "I don't love you anymore" it means they don't want to love you anymore. Selfishness has taken precedent in this person's life and they are simply tired of doing things that show love, such as sacrifice, respect and responsibility. Because all three of these are what love is!
There is so much of the "I don't love you anymore" between couples in marriage that marriage gurus have to come up with more and more articles and books on "how to win your ex back" and "how to make your ex fall back in love with you". What kind of love are these articles referring to? You can't just "fall out of love" with your spouse or significant other if you weren't really loving them in the first place.
You shouldn't have to try and win your ex spouse back if he or she belongs to you. Didn't God bless you with the person you are married to? Of course He did. Couples should be reading articles on how to bring God into their marriage so they may learn how to love one another with real love. What is real love? When you sacrifice a part of your self for your spouse that is love. When you try to understand your spouse that is love. When you do things that show love, even when you don't feel like it that is love.
So you see, when all is said and done, it won't matter what worldly tactics you use to try and "be loved" or "win back love" or "love others" unless you are committed to the relationship. Marriage commitment is a lifestyle and marriage non-commitment is a lifestyle.
For instance, if you are used to living by your feelings and doing whatever you want then that is the lifestyle you have made for yourself. If you are used to showing love by sharing yourself and working at being a loving person in your marriage then you have made that your lifestyle. Your commitment level shows in your lifestyle; it shows in what you do for your marriage.
The "I don't love you anymore" attitude is based upon feelings only, and that's all. The person who says they "don't love anymore" may actually believe it because they have been taught that love is a feeling. When you first think you are "in love" with someone, that is only a mixture of desire and lust. That's all it is. This is why two or three years later when these feelings are gone, you believe you aren't "in love" anymore.
If you want to save your marriage you have to "be committed"! You have to "show your love" through your commitment. It doesn't matter how you feel about each other as much as what you are going to do to stay married. You can live an uncommitted lifestyle for your marriage or you can take responsibility for "your part in the marriage" and be happy with what God has blessed you with. It's all up to you. You make your own happiness!
Remember, love is not how your feel, but what you do. Have you shown your love to your spouse today? Love is a choice. You choose to love or not to love. You choose to take responsibility for your marriage, or not. You choose to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your spouse, or not. You choose to love because it is what Jesus Christ has taught us to do.