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A Response is Required

by Angela Willingham  
11/23/2009 / Relationships

First something has to be said in order for the person or hearer to hear. In part one of this article we talked about that. We said you better say something if you really want anything to change. It is crucial that you speak the truth in love if you really want the other person to hear what you are saying.

What we realized is that often things are said and possibly ignored which causes bitterness to grow. Why bother to say anything if nothing will change right. When something is said our response is important. First you have to ask yourself some questions.

Would this person do or say anything just to hurt me?
Does this person truly care for and about me?
How much do I value this person and their opinion? Do I value them enough to listen and or change something that may bother them?

Those are some of the questions you have to ask if you want your response to be the correct one. Of course if the person has no value in your life maybe what they have to say means nothing to you but if they do, you should consider your response wisely.

There are several options as it relates to how we respond to what people say to us:
1. We can choose to just ignore it.
2. We can discuss what was said with the person that said it and come to some agreement or compromise.
3. Take heed and do what they asked you to do.

Here is a good starting point-Don't automatically take the thing that the person said personally! By that I mean do not take it as a personal insult or affront against you. They may honestly be trying to help and their suggestion may be valid. Do not respond in hurt or anger, those types of responses never result in good conclusions and usually result in apologies or too many words being said. If what is said hurts your feelings, thank the person for their comment and ask for some time to pray and thing about what was said. It is better to save your response until later than to say something now that you cannot take back. Yes, it does hurt sometimes to hear what people say to us in an effort to help, but it is important that you listen with your heart, with God's heart to get the true meaning behind what they are saying. If you know they love you then you can answer the questions above realizing they would never do anything intentionally to hurt you. That should impact your response to them. Just like they spoke the truth in love it is important for you to respond in love.

While there are three options each of them will result in something different in your relationship with the person. Before you respond take a moment to pray and gather your thoughts about what was said.

Ignoring the request or suggestion only leads to bitterness and hurt feelings. The person who finally got the courage to speak the truth in love may never say anything again, because you will have taught them that what they said did not matter. A perfect example of this is the spouse who is trying to encourage their mate to take better care of themselves physically, appearance, weight, makeup, clothes, etc. If their request is ignored they may begin to ignore you. Ignoring the request of someone that loves you and attempts to share their heart with you in a loving manner may be hurtful to the relationship and to the one that shared it and result in discontinued communication.
Ignoring the request or suggestion may also result in a feeling of being disrespected. This option should never be used when dealing with someone that you value. Realize that it took a lot for them to open up and share their heart with you and they did it because they love you. Speaking the truth in love can only come from a heart of humility, caring and openness. Treat it that way.

Come to an agreement or compromise. Maybe you don't agree with everything that was said, but you value the person that said it and you know they would only say what they said because of their love for you. Talk about it. From a heart that is also speaking the truth in love share your feelings about the situation or request. What do you really think? Maybe it is a weight issue. They tell you that they want you to lose the weight for your health. You are sure you need to lose some weight but you are struggling with getting it off, because as hard as you try the weight is not budging. Share that with your friend. Ask them for their help in reaching your goal. Ask them to be an accountability partner for you. Maybe your friend knows you have high blood pressure and they suggest you put down the salt shaker, a compromise would be to at least try the food before you add salt (I got that one from my friend JN). Maybe you are trying to lose weight but at the restaurant you order the fried food with dessert, so your friend suggests a healthier meal. Instead of the fried option or the decadent dessert you will get the broiled option and have a sherbet after the two of you go for a walk. That is compromise and it lets the person know that you appreciate what they said, while you may not be ready to go all the way with it, you can make some concessions. It also tells them that you are serious or making progress towards bettering yourself.

I have been attending The Fitness Angel's Boot Camp on Saturday mornings. There are times during the workout where the participants are running. The compromise is that while they are running I walk, because there is too much weight putting pressure on my knees for me to run (YET). The compromise is not to just quit because you can't do what everyone else might be doing. Find out what the modification is and do that. The person that is watching and encouraging you in your fitness journey will be glad to see your effort. Ignoring it in this case would be to say, I can't do that, so you do nothing. Do something. Your effort is a compromise.

Take Heed and Do It! If you know that the things that have been suggested to you are in your best interest and you are ready to make the change because you know it is the best thing for you, be like the Nike commercial and JUST DO IT! Don't waste time talking about it or being upset, because that is just what it is a waste of time. You know it needs to be done and the person that is talking to you is doing it because they care. The example I gave in part one of this article was a friend who shared he did not like my gray hair. As a friend if I had said I liked it, he would have accepted that, but I was open to the change. I could have sat around feeling sorry for myself or thinking about it and assessing the situation but the truth is, I was ready for a change and the change that was suggested was for my good.

How you respond is up to you, but before you allow the enemy to get you tripping about what was said, consider the source. Where is the request or suggestion coming from? Consider the way the request or suggestion was made, was it demanding, was it from a caring and loving place? Was the truth spoken in love? Do you value the person that made the request? If all of the answers are positive ones, don't make the mistake of blowing the person or their request off, remember they love you and respond accordingly.


Scripture:

Ephesians 4:15:

15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

Angela Willingham, CEO New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc.
www.mynewtemple.org
Copyright New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc.

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