Politically correct Bible stories: II The Fall
by vaughn ohlman 12/07/2009 / Humor
"I was wondering if you have given any thought to the whole 'clothes' question in general? I mean the creation is nice enough sun, moon, stars, animals and all but there is something of a breeze down here."
"We discussed this. I made each of the animals with a sufficient cover, your problem is purely psychosomatic. Well, and physiologic. I am beginning to think that it was time I made a helpmeet for you. I mean, look at all the other animals, they each have helpmeets."
"I think that is a tremendously degrading concept, God. First of all, it makes it seems as if I am not OK, by myself. And secondly, this other person, would they really want to be a 'helpmeet'? I was wondering if something more like 'significant other' wouldn't be better."
God sighs. "That isn't exactly what I had planned."
"Well, God, you can't expect everything to go just the way you had planned. I mean, now that you have created me, I am an antonymous being with a will of my own. You need to take my will and my feelings into account."
"I honestly thought you would like this significant other. Look, let me draw you some of what I had in mind on this fig leaf here."
"Oh. Oh. Well, that certainly is interesting. I must say that, as a creator, you really have an eye for beauty, a real creative streak. But, just looking at that drawing, I would say that clothes are even more necessary than before."
"Well, if I clothe you, I will have to clothe this new creature too."
"Oh. Oh, well, since you make such an issue of it, perhaps we can go without the clothes for a while."
"Good, now go to sleep."
"Hmm, a bit paternalistic there, God, but perhaps you are right. It has been a hard day at the office. There were quite a number of animals to name."
"Adam, Adam, wake up."
"Huuuh, what? Oh. Wow. I must say that the production model leaves the prototype in the dust."
"Hello yourself," she said, "or do you always wander around talking like people weren't there? I heard you were made of dust, and it seems the rumors were true."
"Well, excuse me. I am kind of used to having *private* conversations with God. Speaking of which, God, if you will excuse us ma'am, if I could just have a private word with the Almighty?"
"Well, God, the physical design is flawless. But, I wonder if you could make one that, you know, was a little less inclined to nag?"
"But, what would I do with this one?"
"You couldn't just, you know, wave your arms a bit and"
"No, no it doesn't work that way at all. Immortal soul and all of that."
"Oh, well, one needs to take the rough with the smooth. I don't suppose you could leave us alone for a few minutes?"
"Well, certainly. Although, I am God, you know. Omniscient and all of that?"
"Well, yes, but a little less of the direct presence kind of thing. I have a certain discussion I want to have with her. Oh, by the way, do we have any candles here in Eden?"
"Candles? No. I made the sun to rule the day"
" and the lesser lights to rule the night. Yes, I know, never mind. Moonlight will do fine."
--a modest interlude--
" so you are telling me that we are not allowed to eat from that one tree?"
"No. All the other trees, but not that one. Say, I know that the moonlight was really great, but how do you feel about sunlight? Or, perhaps, some shade under those trees?"
"Men. Now about this tree. Doesn't God know that the best way to get someone to want to do something is to forbid it? I mean, I am desiring that tree already, and I don't know anything about it."
"Well, God seemed to think that we should learn to be obedient."
"Obedient? To him? Whyever for? Doesn't he realize that you are married now? Oh, and I love the ring, by the way. It was neat the way you braided those little vines together. It does seem as if it needed something, just here, on top. Something sparkly, perhaps."
"I will look around. I never thought of it the way you put it. You are right, we are adults now, and this is our garden. He gave it to us. It does seem rather demeaning for him to go and put regulations on a gift. Now, about that shade"
A former missionary to Africa, I am now an LVN and EMT with a wife, six kids, and small farm. I like to write about Theonomy, Betrothal, Fantasy, and Science Fiction, just for starters.