I Think I Married the Wrong Person
by Angie Lewis 12/21/2009 / Marriage
I've had some Christian people tell me they think they married the wrong person? More times than I can keep count. If you think you married the wrong person then who would be the right person? If we dwell on feelings that are negative about our spouse, our mind will play tricks on us. It will tell us how to behave according to those feelings and we will think we married the wrong person.
Christian's are commanded to marry in the Lord. What does that mean? It means that if you married another believer than how can it be wrong? As believers Christ principles need to be applied in our marriage every day and every second of the day. The commands and principles in the bible are for our own happiness as Christ followers. If we do not adhere to the principles designed for our marriage then of course we'll think we married the wrong person.
Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV)
Most of us have felt, sometime in our marriage, that we married the wrong person, especially when marital issues arise and things are not going so well in the marriage. After all, we want to be happy, not stuck in a loveless, lifeless, or sexless marriage, right? But have you ever wondered how you got yourself to where you are at in your marriage in the first place? Probably not, we're too busy blaming our spouse for the discontent of the marriage! It's all their fault, or is it?
In almost all cases of marital discourse both spouses are to blame. Our attitudes that we carry around with us are created from our feelings and thoughts. These thoughts that make up our attitudes and beliefs are made when we are young children. Do you have an attitude of commitment or of non-commitment? Non-commitment goes something like this"If the marriage doesn't go the way I want it to, I'll simply get a divorce".
The truth is God made marriage "until death do you part". God did not make marriage "until irreconcilable differences do you part". The state created this loophole for couples because they can't seem to get along with each other. Why can't they get along with each other? They can't get along with each other because they jumped into marriage on feelings instead of on commitment and respect. Many couples do this; they jump into marriage when they aren't ready to love someone. Learning to love is a process that takes a personal relationship with your sourceGod.
How often do you water your marriage? God waters us with His living water and in turn we water those we love. But what happens when we go into marriage with an attitude? What if we aren't allowing God to water us? What if we think that marriage is something that is supposed to make us happy? What if we believe that our spouse is the one with the problem? How is this marriage going to work based on those feelings?
Did you really marry the wrong person or have you been forgetting to water your marriage? When marriage does not get the love it needs the people in it begin to "act out". That acting out might be in the form of holding in resentment, anger, or arguing, nagging, fussing, and complaining all the time, or worse, it might be in adultery or addiction. But when we allow God to water us, we're not so needy with our spouse and we have the ability to give more love to our spouse through our actions and behaviors.
For example, if we become upset or disappointed with our spouse because of something they did or didn't do its okay to experience those feelings, but we should express those feelings in productive ways to help resolve issues, not make things worse. Anyone can learn to use their feelings in productive ways. Emotional outbursts and harbored resentment are not productive ways to handle our problems.
You can use your emotions in productive ways through proper communication with your spouse, praying about the issue at hand and then coming together in the Lord with a solution that will compromise with each other. There are hundreds of excellent principles and teachings that Christ has given us to use in our spiritual journey through lifewe're not alone to deal with life's problems when we have principles for righteous living at our doorstep.
You did not marry the wrong person; you have only been treating your marriage wrong. You haven't allowed God to water you. God shows us the right way to love our spouse. You can accept His teachings on marriage or you can turn a deaf ear to itits up to you. I suggest that you allow God to water you.
Jesus Answered her. "If you knew the gift of God and who it is who asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water". John 4:10
"But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. John 4:13