What happens when you plan your life, map out your future, strategize your goals without first seeking God? The short answer is discontentment. The long answer is that if you're willing, He'll change your heart.
The evening of our wedding reception, my husband boldly announced that he hoped we'd one day be the proud parents of six children. "SIX?" I laughed. "Was he serious? Who had six kids these days? NOT me! Wrong wife," I chuckled. I wanted one child, maybe two.
We celebrated our first anniversary with our newborn son in our arms, and I knew we'd have more. I'd fallen in love with motherhood. By our fifth anniversary, we had two sons and two daughters, and while I loved our gaggle of children, I also longed for nights of sound sleep, meals without high chairs, no more diapers, and time to think in full sentences. I thought our family was complete, perfect. My husband graciously agreed, but always quietly hoped for more.
Months later, after returning from a business trip, he gathered our kids together and told them all about "this family I met at the airport with five small children." I watched his face, the longing still in his eyes, and prayed silently, "God, You know my heart. You know I don't want another child. I'm content, and I'm tired. Yet what if that's what You want for our lives? What if that's Your will for us? If somehow it is, You're going to have to change my heart and give me that desire."
I awoke the next morning thinking: "I could almost imagine having another baby." What?! "Oh, You are so not funny, God! That's not the answer I expected, and it's not the one I want! Clearly," I grumbled, "Your plans are not my plans; Your thoughts not my thoughts; Your ways not my ways."
God wasn't the least daunted by my attitude, and didn't diminish this new desire for another child, so I finally confided to my husband, "I think God wants us to have another baby."
"Really? Are you sure? I won't ask you to go through that again. But," he added with a grin, "I will pray about it."
Nine months later Megan arrived - a joy, a blessing, and a promise - for her birth confirmed the beautiful truth of Isaiah 48:17b: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." I'm so thankful God didn't leave me to my own designs. I would have missed so much.
My husband's hope to one day be the father of six children was also fulfilled within those nine months, albeit very differently than he would have hoped, for Megan was a twin. Her tiny twin was gone before we knew she was there, but we both recognize God's Hand in this mysterious, incomprehensible gift. We know His plans are far above our own, His ways beyond anything our finite minds can comprehend, for He alone is God, and always His ways, His timing, and His will for our lives are absolutely perfect.
Cindee Snider Re lives in Sussex, WI with her husband, their five children, two cats, and two Shichon puppies. She enjoys quiet evenings, long walks, good books, homeschooling her kids, and lots of good, strong, hot, black tea.
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