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How to get exactly what you want from God!

by James Barringer
1/28/2010 / Christian Living

It's no secret that God blesses people. He loves his children, and he enjoys showcasing his own power and generosity by giving people good and perfect gifts. I've met a lot of people who ask, "Hey, I'm a child of the King - how do I get in on that?" There's a simple, Biblical key to getting God to give you exactly what you want. The secret is: complaining.

You may have heard the stories about the Israelites coming out of Egypt, and the way God provided them with manna and quail to eat and water from a rock. But did you know that God only did those things in direct response to bellyaching? Check out Exodus 16:2, where it says, "The whole congregation of Israel grumbled," and the next morning there was manna. There's great power in one person grumbling, but there's incredible power in a whole congregation grumbling. God even admits this: "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites" (v.12). It's obvious: complaining is where it's at.

The very next chapter demonstrates the same principle. The Israelite people were thirsty, having run out of water, so "they grumbled to Moses" (17:2), demanding that he give them water. Lo and behold, God provides water out of a rock! Bellyaching gets things done, people. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Indeed, Moses set the bar very high in this area. At the beginning of Exodus, God appeared to him in a burning bush, telling him to lead the Israelite people out of Egypt. Moses' first response, of course, told to us in Exodus 3:11, was to complain that he was the wrong man for the job: "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" God attempted to reassure him, but Moses complained again that no one would believe him (3:13), then complained yet again that no one would believe him (4:1), prompting God to do a crazy set of miracles in order to convince Moses. But even after that, Moses complained that he was not the right man for the job, not eloquent enough to convince Pharaoh (4:10). Even after God reassured him, Moses still protested: "O Lord, please send someone else" (4:13), and only then did God give him Aaron to help out a bit. Keep in mind, Moses wrote the book of Exodus; he's giving us his autobiography. If he wasn't proud of this story, surely he would have edited it out. I'm telling you, sometimes you just have to twist God's arm.

So let's not bother with talk of traditional "Christian" values, like peace or patience. We can see quite clearly that the people in the Bible who wait patiently for things sometimes don't receive them, while the people who complain have their grumbling heard and acted on by God, often immediately. Patience is a good thing for other people to have, but what's the point of worshiping God if he's not available 24 hours a day whenever you need to get something from him? Why bother praying if God's not on the other end, just waiting for your beck and call so that he can exercise his infinite power to get you some stuff? Some teachers would have me believe that God knows better than I do what I really need, and that I should wait for him to provide those things rather than grumbling about what I think I need, but that's merely spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Why should I wait on God if I can complain and get something done today?

I would estimate, in the Bible, that complaining has about a 90% success rate. Sometimes it does backfire, like in Numbers 11, which tells us that "the people complained about their hardships before the Lord," and he incinerates them with fireballs from heaven. That may not qualify as "getting exactly what they wanted" from God, but hey - look at all the other times, when they grumbled and did get exactly what they were asking for! We should also take note of Numbers 14, in which "all the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron," doubtful that they could possess the promised land, and God's first response was to annihilate them all with a plague and start from scratch with another people instead (14:12). However, this didn't happen, because Moses complained that such a thing would make God look bad to the Egyptians, and God relented. In the end, the punishment was merely that all who complained, Moses included, would be banned from entering the promised land, doomed to die a wandering death in the wilderness. That may not have been "exactly what they wanted," either, but again, look at the track record. It's pretty obvious that grumbling is still the way to go.

So, as long as you're willing to risk a little bit of wrath, go ahead and let God hear your bellyaching. The Bible tells us quite clearly that he hears it and acts on it, usually by giving the person exactly what they were asking for. So if you're sick of waiting for God, tired of this whole "faith" thing and eager to pull God's strings a bit and make him dance for you, then start griping. You'll be glad you did!

(Author's note: the preceding article is satire, a literary form that sarcastically "supports" a belief or action in order to show how silly it is. I am not responsible for any plagues, wandering deaths in the wilderness, or other expressions of wrath that may befall you if you take the "advice" seriously.)

Jim Barringer is a 38-year-old writer, musician, and teacher. More of his work can be found at facebook.com/jmbarringer. This work may be reprinted for any purpose so long as this bio and statement of copyright is included.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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