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The Salvation of Man and Underwear
by Scarlett Farr
2/06/2010 / Humor
"Do you really think he's coming with us?" Shari asked excitedly.
"He said he would meet us in the lobby," answered Betsy.
Sure enough, at 11:45 Shari and Betsy stepped off the elevator to find Tommy waiting. They had been working up to this for weeks. Little by little, they dropped hints and asked probing questions to determine if he was a Christian. Although he had given no direct indication, he had not balked at their attempts so far. Agreeing to go to a prayer vigil at noon was a huge sign they had made some headway.
As they started up the hill toward City Hall, Betsy took the initiative and began firing questions at Tommy. "Do you go to church anywhere, what denomination do you prefer?" For three or four minutes, she talked so fast she barely let Tommy answer before launching into another question. Shari was relieved Betsy kept the conversation going. She did not have the gift to talk off the cuff as easily as Betsy.
As they approached the traffic light and waited to cross, Betsy suddenly stopped talking. Shari looked past Tommy and saw that Betsy had a disturbed look on her face. "Oh no," thought Shari, "Tommy must have said something to upset her. Darn, I wasn't listening. What were they just talking about?"
They crossed the street and Shari looked at Betsy again. That look was still on her face. "So, Tommy, have you ever been to a prayer vigil before?" Shari questioned, racking her brain for something to say.
"No, can't say that I have." Tommy replied.
"Tommy doesn't seem upset. What could possibly be wrong with Betsy?" Shari wondered. She continued to force small talk with Tommy the remaining two blocks while Betsy remained silent. After the prayer vigil they started the walk back down the hill to their office building.
Betsy said nothing the entire trip back. Tommy didn't seem fazed by her silence and talked with Shari as they strolled down the sidewalk. Shari broached the subject of baptism and Tommy revealed he had never been baptized. At last, the long-awaited confession had been made. Shari looked at Betsy, hopeful she would rejoin the conversation. Nothing, except for the continued strained look on Betsy's face. "What on earth has upset her?" Shari worried. The three stepped onto the elevator and pushed their respective floor buttons. As Tommy got off on his floor, he said, "Thanks for inviting me. It was interesting. Maybe I'll go again next week."
Shari was elated as the elevator doors closed and she turned to Betsy to give her a high-five. Before she could raise her arm, Betsy blurted out, "Well, that was awkward!"
Stunned, the only thing Shari could say was, "Huh?"
"That was a miserable experience." Betsy continued as she began writhing about as if a bug had crawled up her skirt.
"What are you talking about?" Shari retorted. "Tommy just agreed to go to prayer vigil next week. He's clearly interested in learning more about Jesus. How could you possibly call that be a disaster? And, why are you wiggling about like a crazy woman?"
"I'm trying to get situated." Betsy replied, still writhing about.
"Huh?" Shari asked again, completely confused.
"My pantyhose have been sliding down since we left for prayer vigil. Half-way up the hill they started pulling my underwear down with them. I've been trying to hold them up without drawing attention to myself. It wasn't obvious was it?" Betsy asked hopefully.
"Your underwear has been drooping for over an hour?" Shari asked, trying to hold back a snorting laugh.
"Yes, it was horrible," protested Betsy. "I thought I had lost them at the second traffic light. I haven't heard a word you two said because all I could think about was my underwear falling around my ankles."
Shari couldn't hold her laughter any longer and Betsy couldn't hold her underwear any longer. As Shari wiped tears from her eyes, Betsy reached under her skirt and tugged her underwear and pantyhose into their proper places. Then she joined in the laughter with Shari.
After they calmed down, Betsy asked, "So do you think Tommy might be considering accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior?"
"It's possible," Shari answered, "but you better wear pants next week just in case. I can just see the headline now: 'Man's salvation so unbelievable underwear falls off bystander'".
"Good idea," Betsy agreed as they parted ways in the hall.
Scarlett Farr lives with her husband, daughter and dog in Lizella, Georgia.
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