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Notice me!

by James Barringer  
3/14/2010 / Christian Living

I think that humans come pre-wired to pursue God.

I say that because I came here all prepared to write about a time when I, like an idiot, got angry when someone else got credit for something I did, and how strong that desire to be noticed is in all of us. But the more I look at that situation, the more I think that my reaction was not prideful at all. My reaction shows what's at the heart of our need for God.

Here's the situation. I was at Camp Chapparal this summer with a group of youth from a church I'd never been to. They asked my friend Jacob if he would go as a chaperone; he couldn't, so he gave them my name, and sight unseen, they invited me along. To call it a great week doesn't even come close. I had a total blast and learned some stuff that is even now, nine months later, still in the process of changing my life.

At one point during the week, fiddling around on the guitar, I figured out how to play a song sung by the worship leader, Chris Clayton. As soon as I did, I taught it to Michael, one of the youth who was leading worship music for the group. One night, Chris' drummer Brad - who used to go to that church - came by and sat in on our group time, and heard Michael playing that song. Before I knew what had happened, I thought to myself, "He probably thinks Michael figured out the song all on his own," and I felt a pang of jealousy because I had done it, and I deserved the credit, but I wasn't going to get any.

Even as it was happening, I felt extremely petty, and looking back on it now I'm still ashamed that I had those thoughts. We in the church tend to write off those thoughts as mere pride. Yet what if they're not?

The desire to be noticed, to be praised and accepted, is nearly universal among people. Everywhere that people interact, whether in New York City or the tribes of Malawi, you will find people who want to be first among their peers. Everybody in America wants their fifteen minutes of fame. Yet what if those people aren't being sinful at all? What if faith in God requires such an attitude?

When you were two years old, before you even knew what you were doing, you performed for your parents. "Mommy, mommy, daddy, daddy, mommy, look at me! Notice me!" What if that was not childish foolishness, but the deepest longing of every human's heart? And nobody ever really gets rid of that attitude, do they? We go through life and we want to be popular in middle school, part of a clique in high school, part of a fraternity or at least a club in college, liked by our co-workers on the job. Everything we do in life is geared toward getting people to like us. I mean, what would happen in your life if everyone you know stopped liking you? How would that affect your mood and attitude? You need to know that they approve of you, don't you?

After all, don't you feel better about yourself when somebody - especially a stranger - notices and compliments your clothing, your hair, your golf swing, your biceps? What is it inside your heart that is continually hungry for affection and approval? Is it pride...or is it God calling you?

See, I don't believe that the desire for affection is in any way a bad thing. I think God built it into us for a very specific reason. The first idea in the gospel message is that God loves you. "For God so loved the world," John 3:16. "God showed his love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," Romans 5:8. But wait: why do you care whether or not God loves you?

It's only because you have, have always had, were born with, that incredible hunger in your heart to be loved and noticed. You go through your entire life, empty and aching, always demanding love and approval from other people - but it never works, does it? The good feeling only lasts for a little while, and then you're empty again, needing more approval, more compliments. Why?

It's because we were wired for God. Even as our hearts are crying out, "Notice me," God comes running, screaming, "I notice you, and I love you." That's why I don't think our need for approval is a bad thing. It's the ripcord that God yanks in our hearts. It's only a bad thing as long as it's directed toward those temporary sources of love and approval: people, what they think of you, how you dress, what you own, what you buy, where you eat. Still, the desire itself iis not a bad thing. It's a wholesome thing that, properly followed, will lead you in the end to the One who can satisfy your need for approval. He can satisfy it today with the knowledge that you're loved and forgiven. He can satisfy it eternally, when you stand before his throne, mind spinning with all the things you've ever done wrong, facedown in terror in front of a perfectly holy God, who gently lifts you up and says, "Your sins are forgiven. Well done, good and faithful servant. Welcome home."

Even if Michael had told the whole room that I was the one who figured that song out, the warm feeling would have lasted for a few moments, quickly forgotten. It wasn't really his approval, or Brad's, that I wanted at all. I thought it was, but it wasn't really. I haven't seen or talked to them again since camp; I don't care what they think of me, but I still want approval. But if I wanted approval, and didn't want it from them, who did I want it from? You do the math. And I think if you do the math in your own life, you'll reach the same conclusion.

We've always wanted to be noticed. It makes us feel good. There's no shame in that. The only shame is when we whore ourselves out to the highest bidder, chasing whoever or whatever will throw a little approval our way for a moment. Why would anyone want to do that, when they could rest in the arms of a God who already notices them, already loves them, and was already willing to part heaven and earth in order to have a relationship with them?

Jim Barringer is a 38-year-old writer, musician, and teacher. More of his work can be found at facebook.com/jmbarringer. This work may be reprinted for any purpose so long as this bio and statement of copyright is included.

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