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Domestic Violence

by Nellie Shani  
3/31/2010 / Family

Violence that is perpetrated within the walls of the home is the most devastating kind of violence that one can imagine. The word "home" should conjure up feelings of security and safety. When that supposed "haven of peace and tranquility is violated through violence, then we have as it were, no where to run. Home should be a place that we can run to for repose after being out there in the "rough and tumble" world. A place where we feel accepted and loved

Why would a person lift his hand to assault a person that he or she claims to love? May I suggest here that the more dissatisfied with ourselves we are, the more likely we are to be violent towards another person. A low self-esteem seems to play a big role in perpetrators of domestic violence. Many abusers have feelings of frustration bottled up within them and have never learned to express themselves verbally. Of course one of the more obvious reason for domestic violence is alcoholism. We are told that a drunk person is in a temporary state of insanity.

Psychologists tell us that a child that has grown up with domestic violence in his or her home environment will themselves tend to use violence as a way of expressing dissatisfaction. Why do victims of domestic violence continue to live in that environment and not choose the option of leaving? A friend of mine who is a police officer recounted to me the kinds of problems that they encounter in trying to curb domestic violence. He told me that victims who are mostly women, will only report domestic violence after they have been abused for a long time and even after reporting it, they will try to withdraw the case. In many cases the abuser is the sole bread winner for the family. In such cases, the women will put up with the abuse because they have no other means of caring for themselves or their children. Many abusers also apologize to their wives or partners, promising never to abuse them again. That promise is of course broken over and over. Many times the victim will accept the abuse as their fate, until something tragic happens.

Domestic violence should never under any circumstance be accepted in a civilized society. Many victims of domestic violence often say that they had seen signs of violence quite early in their relationship, but thought that the person would change after they started to live together. Living with a person only magnifies their weaknesses. If an issue is not addressed or is swept under the carpet without being tackled head-on, it will resurface again. These issues must be addressed early in the relationship and dealt with through a counselor. The more domestic abuse there is in the society, the more potential perpetrators we release into the society through their offspring.

Nellie Odhuno Shani is a Counselor, Conference speaker and writer. Her first books are available on, Barnes and Nobles and on her author's websites.

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