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The choice to like everybody

by James Barringer  
5/09/2010 / Christian Living


One of the more interesting things that has happened in my heart since I became a Christian is that I've found it easier to like people. Specifically, I've found that I like almost everyone I meet. This came to my attention recently at my job, where my coworkers maintain a complex web of relationships, with a constantly shifting lattice of people who dislike each other, people who don't like working together, people who have a problem with other people, people who used to have a problem with other people but are now okay again, and so on. I slowly realized that, whenever I was asked for my opinion about anyone, it was favorable. I was the only person at the job who everyone got along with, and who got along with everybody.

That's one of the funny things about Jesus, as well - he got on well with basically everybody. Lots of people think he disliked the Pharisees, the religious leaders of his day, but that's not exactly true. He hosted one of them, Nicodemus, for a midnight conversation that gave us John 3:16. On another occasion, he raised a synagogue leader's daughter from the dead. Everybody else that Jesus met - fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, sinners, Jews, heathens, even a Roman governor - seemed to like him, and most of the time he went out of his way to cultivate those good relationships. He was remarkably un-picky, showering his attention and his affection on everyone. What if we as Christians were more like that?

I want you to try something. For the next couple of weeks, determine ahead of time to like everybody that you meet. I think there are two major benefit to you if you choose to do so.

First, you can do away with that awkward dance in the first few minutes of a relationship where you're trying to decide if you like the person or not. You can abandon that and go straight to building a friendship. What if the person is not the kind of person you want a friendship with? Then the odds are really good they need, more than anybody else, to hear about Jesus, so you might as well start building a foundation for that from the beginning.

This has been true of one of my co-workers, who used to entertain me with stories of the drinking games he and his buddies played, his sexual escapades, and things of that nature. A few months ago he revealed to me that he's been praying, and last night he said that he's stopped partying and been faithful to his girlfriend, and that he's praying every day about what God wants for his life. I don't know whether this would have happened if I hadn't befriended him and had some talks with him about spiritual things. It wasn't always easy to be his friend, and most of his stories made me pretty uncomfortable, but I felt like Jesus would have stuck it out, so I did too. However, it began with a decision on my part to like him no matter who he was as a person, instead of tailoring my reactions to how I thought he deserved to be treated. It is tremendously freeing not to feel that need to judge people. Just treat them the way Jesus would and leave the rest to him.

The second benefit is that you can rid yourself of negative thought patterns. In other words, you have in your head right now two playbooks, so to speak. You have a playbook that tells you how to interact with people you like, and a playbook that tells you how to interact with people you don't like. It's almost as if there are two different versions of your own personality up there, one amiable and one hostile, and you choose which one to pull out in any given situation. What if you could completely do away with the negative playbook, the hostile personality? Like I said earlier, it would be incredibly liberating. You wouldn't have to figure out which way to treat people anymore. You'd just treat them the only way you know how - with love and respect and compassion - and the rest would work itself out.

Does that sound too good to be true, or maybe so optimistic that you don't even know where to begin? Like I said earlier, it merely begins with a choice. Once you open your heart to God, once you tell him that you're willing to give up your "right" to treat people well or poorly depending on how they treat you, he'll begin to change you. Not only that, but you'll begin to change your world. You'll be a force for unity and kindness wherever you go. You will, in short, be more like Jesus.

One objection might come from people who have been hurt profoundly by a person in the past and are struggling with forgiveness. "What, you're saying I should just decide to like the person who abused / abandoned / cheated on me? That's not possible." On the one hand I feel that is true; you may never get to the point of being able to "like" that person again. Jesus never really reconciled with the Pharisees who refused to repent, after all. However, if we're talking about forgiveness, the same principle applies: it begins with the choice to forgive, the choice to renounce your "right" to remain bitter. In other words, you decide in advance to forgive someone, and your decision is not contingent on their actions or whether or not they "deserve" to be forgiven. Just like deciding to like someone regardless of how they act, you decide to forgive someone even if they don't deserve it or they're not sorry or they don't know they hurt you. It's liberating; it puts you in control of your life instead of waiting for someone else to be sorry, or act a certain way, or deserve your kindness or forgiveness.

Do you have the courage to take this step? Are you willing to try out, for a few weeks, the decision to like everyone you meet and treat them accordingly? How do you think this might change your life and your world for the better? I think you will discover that people are more likely to open up to you if they don't feel that they have to earn your affection. Lost people will have deep spiritual conversations with you because they don't feel judged. Other Christians will confide their struggles to you because they don't worry that it will impact the friendship. On top of that, you will feel more at ease, not having to constantly judge whether you will like or dislike somebody, and not having to figure out how to treat the people you don't like. If you want to become more like Jesus, give this radical choice a shot, and let God change the way you view strangers.

Jim Barringer is a 38-year-old writer, musician, and teacher. More of his work can be found at facebook.com/jmbarringer. This work may be reprinted for any purpose so long as this bio and statement of copyright is included.

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