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Why Men Have a Hard Time Communicating
by Greg Baker
5/10/2010 / Relationships
There are many factors that explain this. Not every man thinks the same way, and not every man will feel that what I say here fits him exactly. There are men who are great communicators, but by in large the general complaint that I hear from women is: "We never talk!"
So, why is that? Well, there are several things that you may want to be aware of. Understanding the man's mentality will help make things easier when you try to draw him out and get him to communicate.
MEN GET CLOSE BY SHARED EXPERIENCES
Typically, men don't feel close to someone by sharing their emotions. Emotions, to a man are either a sign of weakness (which it is not) or something that gets in the way. Men would prefer to do something about the problem than talk about it. Convincing him there is a problem can be somewhat difficult.
But men feel closer by sharing experiences. Get two men in some form of competition and they'll feel close. Work with a man and he'll feel closer to you. It is amazing how close men feel to those that he works with. Many work place affairs happen due to this.
EMOTIONS FOR MEN ARE EXPRESSED BY THEIR ACTIONS
Emotions, to a man, are an outlet for action. They get angry and that anger pushes them to some sort of action. A man gets sad, he just wants to be alone or pretend it doesn't exist. A man gets depressed and he seems to fall off the edge of the map. Rarely does a man seek to talk about it. He is looking for something to do about it, or it causes him to be lethargic and lazy.
Study a man's actions and you'll get a general sense of his emotions. He doesn't necessarily talk about it, but his emotions and feelings will dictate much of his actions. Women can talk about how they feel and feel better for it. This may actually be true for men as well, but they tend to clam up and let those emotions dictate their actions.
MEN ALSO EXPRESS EMOTIONS MORE BY SYMBOLISM
A man may have a hard time saying, "I love you." But his feelings of love may cause him to go out and get you some flowers. Again, his feelings cause an action. Study a man's actions and you'll get a sense of how he feels.
Symbols for a man represent his emotions. They are very powerful. This may sound strange, but I've met men who don't understand why their wives wonder about their love. After all, they come home every night after work. The act of coming home, to them, is an act of love. They aren't out at a bar carousing or even trying to avoid coming home. They struggle understanding why their wives are so frustrated with them.
A MAN'S SECURITY COMES FROM HIS ABILITY TO PREFORM
I'm not just referring to sex here either-though that does have some bearing. I'm talking about a man's ability to provide for his family, to protect them, and to care for their needs.
Because of this, his understanding of a problem is often different than a woman's. A woman has an issue in the relationship that doesn't affect his ability to care for her. So he's fine while she struggles. Getting him to even see the problem is difficult.
But more than that, if there is a problem, it implies that he has somehow failed in his performance. He has somehow not provided, protected, and cared like he should. If he doesn't see how that could be, he'll just flat out ignore the problem. This can be incredibly frustrating for a woman.
You want a depressed and stressed out man? Take away his job, make it so that he can't provide and protect his family and you'll have more issues and problems than you'll ever want to deal with.
So when it comes to communication, you will often talk at cross purposes. What you are feeling is not what he is feeling. Talking about it doesn't help, from his point of view, and if he doesn't know what to do about it, it is easier to ignore than discuss it. His inability to do anything about a problem is frustrating and he'd rather not deal with it.
This is also why most men don't want to go and get help. If he has to get help that implies that he is somehow failing in his ability to provide and protect. His ego and pride prevent him from acknowledging his need for help. He won't even want to talk about it.
These things aren't necessarily good. They are just the way many men see life.
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