Forgiving and Loving your Christian Spouse after Adultery
by Angie Lewis 6/08/2010 / Marriage
When a spouse trespasses against the marriage we may feel many deep-seated emotions. We may feel anger, resentment and disgust. And for good reason, our ego has been bruised. We never thought that our spouse would have sex with someone else; thatās just stuff you read about in articles and books. How can we forgive our spouse and when will the hurt stop hurting?
Because your spouse committed adultery do you constantly berate him or her and stick their nose into the dog doo-doo over and over again. Do you wonder why you should forgive? Itās surely difficult to forgive, itās true. We donāt want to be nice; we want the adulterer or the adulteress to feel shame, guilt and remorse for what they have done against the sanctity of the marriage! But some things that we do in life will take effort and determination.
Forgiveness is Godās Will
The reality is if we want to feel better and move on with our life then we must learn to forgive, otherwise weāre just hurting our own emotional well-being. We have to change our way of thinking. Did you know that our negative emotions keep us trapped within them because it is the only place we feel protected from more heartache. We use our emotions as a protective barrier from feeling more pain.
But eventually we will have to forgive our spouse. Is your spouse repentant for their indiscretions against the marriage? Have they taken their sin(s) up with Jesus Christ and asked for personal forgiveness? Are they willing to be accountable to you and to God?
If your spouse is repentant, and they want to turn their life back to God and be accountable to you, then it is your obligation to forgive and love the cheating spouse.
Forgiving is Godās will for you and your marriage. It may not seem like it right now but God has a plan for you in your marriage. But if you do your own will it will thwart Godās plan for you. Just like when your spouse committed adultery it thwarted Godās plan for him or her. Godās plan is for sanctity in marriage and for purity of oneself in the marriage. Marriage is the only honorable way to have and enjoy sex.
As Christians it is our responsibility to uphold Godās purpose for our livesā"our marriage belongs to God! If we are weak in certain areas of our lives then we need to go to God and ask for self-control and perseverance and He will give it to us. God wants us to restore our marriage back to Him. Forgiving a cheating spouse is what love is. Suffering through our inner problems and getting the healing we need, rather than going outside the bounds of marriage is what love is. Learn to love the person you married!
Couples Can Heal After Adultery
Couples can heal themselves after adultery. The adulterer needs to understand āwhyā they cheated in the first place and not blame or accuse others of their immoral behavior. Donāt blame your spouse. We can choose to keep our marriage pure. Itās all up to our own willingness to follow Godās precepts for our lives. The spouse of the adulterer needs to ask God to help them to ālet go of damaging emotionsā that may be working against the marriage. Resentment will damage the relationship between married couples more than the act of adultery will.
Healing is an individual process that happens through our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If our heart and mind is not communicating with God now that means we do not have a personal relationship with Him. If we donāt have the faith to believe that God can heal us, or the faith to put God first in our life and marriage we will continue to have difficulties in this life. If our connection to God is somehow severed than we are disconnected from the Vine (Jesus Christ). We need to be connected to the Vine to help us grow in the word by DOING WHAT THE WORD SAYS.
āI am the Vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.ā (John 15:5)
Couples NEED to be spiritually and emotionally mature in Christ so they may weather the storms of life when they come beating down against the marriage. If you are having a hard time forgiving and loving your spouse after adultery, ask God to help you overcome your negative emotions and headstrong attitude. And if you have faith, He will provide for your emotional and spiritual needs because He says He will!
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)