Major Reason Why Christian Marriages Cannot Be Saved
by Angie Lewis 6/22/2010 / Marriage
I often remind couples when they are going through problems in their marriage that before they can save their marriage from divorce they need to work on saving themselves. In other words they need personal healing and restoration. In utter disbelief they reply, "But I'm not the who committed adultery!" Or they say, I'm not the one with the alcohol problem; I don't need healing!" I believe it is time to get off the pedestal.
Sadly people are so wrapped up within themselves and their selfishness that they actually don't believe they need any kind of personal healing. But again, reality says that we all need some kind of inner healing, first, before we can even begin to be the loving and giving marriage spouses that God wants us to be.
Some people carry more baggage into their marriage than others but we all have had baggage at sometime or other in our marriage. The reason for baggage could be for many reasons; perhaps you had a bad childhood experience that is buried within your conscience. Maybe you were unloved or abandoned by a parent as a child. Or perhaps you had too many breakups and heartaches that the dating scene caused. And finally maybe you are just emotionally and spiritually immature.
Many pieces of baggage may be lurking within us just waiting to get out, while other parts of our baggage are buried so deep that we don't even know we are carrying it. Most of the time we don't do anything about the baggage and in our mind and soul there it sits for years, keeping us from fully loving others properly. Baggage causes resentment. The hard cold fact is you need forgiveness just as much as your sinning spouse needs forgiveness.
Accepting Christ' forgiveness for our weaknesses is how we heal. If we are holding in pain then we are harboring resentment. We must be willing, ready and able to give up our selfish lifestyle and start a new lifestyle with Jesus. If we're too proud to recognize our need for Christ in our journey in life then we will continue to limp through our marriage and other relationships just barely getting by.
Only when we deny our wretched lives and give up control of managing life under our own wisdom and understanding will we truly "know" what it means to be a whole person, healed from the inside out. Healing can only take place when we humble our lives to the living God and stop trying to be God.
When we lord over our marriage as if we were God, of course it will have troubles. That's not how God designed marriage to be. Marriage is first a lifetime commitment to the one-flesh of marriage and secondly a service towards one another, which is God's purpose for married couples.
So the bottom line is to save our marriage we first have to save ourselves by taking up our own cross and denying self and follow Jesus. There really is no other way. Healing is a gradual learning and development process we go through in our personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
How will we know that healing has taken place? We will begin to see our life and purpose with a totally different perspective than we do now. What we once believed as truth for our life becomes a lie. We will grow to be more like Jesus every day. This is what Christianity is all aboutit's not a religion until you make it a religion. It is a lifestyle that we make for ourselves and to please God with.
Christianity is learning to love ourselves and others in the proper ways. And finally, as Christ Ones we will see our marriage in a different light and will understand what God's will is for us and how we can restore our marriage to Him where it belongs. Your marriage can be saved!