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How to Save Your Marriage if You Think Your Spouse Is Cheating
by Angie Lewis
8/10/2010 / Marriage
What I am about to tell you is NOT a new concept, although you will not get this kind of advice very often when dealing with a cheating spouse because most people don't think adultery is fixable. But I am here to tell you that you can heal from the affects of adultery and be a better spouse for it. If you are suspicious of your spouse then your marriage is already in trouble. Why wait to find out if they are actually cheating? Why not do something about your marriage while you can?
Stop Being Suspicious and Fix Your Marriage
If you are living your life in suspicion of your spouse then the marriage has an issue that is not getting remedied by either one of you. This issue needs to get remedied immediately before a spouse does cheat, cheats again, or you cheat. That's right, you read that right, "you cheat".
Are you still dating or are you married? I ask this because in the dating relationship it is almost a given that someone is going to cheat, whether emotional or physicalits engraved within the dating attitude. But in a marriage relationship being suspicious of one another and cheating should not be going on and married couples should NOT be living their marriage in such a reckless way. It is wasteful, disrespectful, impractical, ungodly and immature and leads to divorce.
What Can You Do if Your Spouse is Cheating?
Jealousies, suspicions and cheating should be left back at the dating scene, or else don't get married. If we are married then we have to grow up and be accountable, firstly to God and then secondly to our spouse. When one spouse thinks the other is cheating it usually means they are doing something that would merit cheating themselves by attracting the opposite sex.
Perhaps you dress in revealing clothing. Or maybe you chat with the opposite sex on social network sites or maybe you just can't keep your eyes and flirtatious escapades in your own fence. Now who is the cheater? Is it the one who is cheating or the other spouse who is also cheating but they don't want to admit it. In other words, it's all cheating, whether physical or emotional, and do you want to know why? Because it is in your attitude, in your persona, and how you carry yourselves, that's why.
"That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness". Ephesians 4:22, 23
Now for the concept I was talking about in the first sentence of this article. Before we can stop all of this suspicion, jealousies and cheating in marriage we have to look at ourselves; we have to change our attitude and renew our mind, meaning get rid of all the conditioning and brainwash that circulates in society about the justification of these things. We have to give our marriages to God! Don't you know that God is the Creator and Architect of Marriage? Why are you giving it to the world to destroy?
Stop Focusing All of Your Attention on Cheating Spouse
Let's start by doing what Jesus did when the people wanted to stone the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Do you think that just because you did not commit the physical act of adultery that you are better than your spouse in this area? Jesus is saying, "stop focusing on other people's sins and look at yourself".
Jesus is not condoning adultery, but Jesus is saying to take care of your own sins, change yourself, so perhaps you can be a light of God for the cheating spouse. We are not here to condemn but to love and so first we must learn how to love in the way that Christ has shown His love for us through the forgiveness of our sins.
Start Focusing on Yourself
This advice is for the person who is suspicious of a spouse or knows for sure they are cheating. Have you put the stones away? Good. Now look at your own behaviors and attitudes and dress when you are out in public, and how you behave on chat forums and social networking sites. Did you know that we attract the opposite sex to look at us with lust by how we dress, talk and behave? But you already knew that, right? Is that why you are suspicious of your spouse? Should they be suspicious of you too?
What can you change about yourself? How can your example shine a light on your spouse so they may follow your lead? Do you dress to please your ego or God? Do you stare and flirt with the opposite sex? Do you have opposite sex friends without your spouse? Do you behave in ways that would give your spouse reason to think you do not care about them? Many people do not realize that their very actions merit suspicion by their spouse and could even give justification for a spouse to cheat.
Heal Your Attitude and Restore Your Marriage
Heal your attitude and restore your marriage! Healing takes place when we repent (give up living for self) and get right with God through forgiveness of our past lifestyle. In other words, we have to stop living the sinful lifestyle. Change your attitude and renew your mind. Keep your eyes in your own fence and ask God to help you to love your spouse in the right ways, according to His design.
Couples do not need to cheat on each other, they just need to learn how to enjoy each other in every which way, rather than seek attention, admiration and praise from others. No one admires you more than God himself; let God admire His wonderful works in you! Live your life for God! BTW, it takes two to tango, send this article to your spouse today!
"Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman (man) to lust after her (him) hath committed adultery with her (him) already in his (her) heart." (Matthew 5:27,28)
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Read more articles by Angie Lewis
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