High Heals: Stilettos
by Shirley Carr 8/27/2010 / Relationships
I used rock stiletto pumps in the club
Hoped to bump into love
That gloved a need for attention
Not to mention
I'm a country chick
I thought I was city slick
Charm City I picked
Cause life was so enticing
I couldn't back up
I left the club
Hammered and Jacked Up
H2O couldn't even quench my thirst
With only 50 cents in my pocket
I heard a voice say,
"Drop it, and
Take off your stiletto's your standing on Holy Ground.
You know that life that you're living,
There's really nothing too it;
So let me show you how a Real God can do it."
He said, "I'll place my enabling power on you so great,
Even you teammates
Won't toss your fate,
..I'll be your Point Guard.
I'll make it so hard for your enemies-
Like Depression, Oppression, Poverty, Jealousy, and Misery
It'll stumble and fall
But you can't be a "know it all"
I know everything.
I'll bring it all together and
make out of you a nation
But our relation.ship
Can't sink because the link
between Knowledge and Wisdom
is your fear in Me
For your purity
I'll place you in the fire like silver and gold
I'm going to test you heart
Trust me and then you're ready to start
You will be falsely accused,
Used, and abused but Know this
He said, "I'm God all by myself,
I can't lose!"
Now you chose,
Life or Death.
How do you hide pain? You may not be able to relate to hiding your pain in the club scene; but, I am sure you know what it feels like to displace the pain of what you are experiencing into something else. As I take some personal time and reflect on my 20's; I hope that what I am sharing will help you. In the middle of my 20's my life shifted. Five years ago I was in a club trying to "dance my pain away". Within, a few moments of listening to the music and dancing, all of the pain that I carried boldly, walked up on me and reintroduced itself. This time I had to face what I didn't want to face! I had to face the pain of losing a cousin who was only a year older than myself. When she died I lost a friend and sitting in the funeral, I couldn't even walk up to the casket. I remember Sam Cooke's, "A Change is Gonna Come", playing in the funeral home's lobby. I didn't understand how fast change would come. I had to face the pain of a 9 year relationship ending. Now a days not too many people know what it is like to share moments with one individual throughout their teenage years up until the point of becoming an adult. Heartbreak is painful. I had to face the pain of watching my praying mother fight through illness. She fought for others in prayer, but where was God when she was fighting through her own battle. I had to face the pain of instability and depression, while at the same time fight through misunderstanding. I was finally tired of being tired because what used to assist in alleviating pain couldn't assist me anymore. No more misplacing my pain in sex, shopping, and the club scene. I was completely depleted of strength and the pain overwhelmed me. I stopped in the middle of the dance floor and stumbled along the wall towards the outside of the doors. I ended up on the curb in the front of my car unable to move, unable to cry, and unable to speak. I was paralyzed by the pain. No one could help me and at that point, I knew that I couldn't help myself.
God has a way of getting you to a place where you can no longer run from Him! I learned the hard way! I would occasionally show up to early morning church service after leaving the club, but I had no interest in developing anything further with Him. If God cared about me so much why did he allow me to get to this point? The concrete was cold and the night seemed darker than ever. I wanted to get up. I just didn't know how. BUT, God helped me up! He helped me up out of depression and oppression. He helped me out of the poverty of thought and will. There was more He knew about me than I knew about myself. I had to re-commit to talking to him in prayer, reading and studying the Word of God more, watching, and most importantLISTENING. The 20's definitely taught me to appreciate the discipline of solitude more so than ever! I was able to appreciate the people in my life because I found out that you pain has a way of making you neglect to thank God for the goodness you have surrounding you. You can become so accustom to "going through" that you may not realize that you made it through! In the 20's I learned how to trust God. God will tell you things that won't make sense logically, but that is why He is God! He knows what is best! I also learned how to appreciate the genuine people in my life. When you get into some trouble or do something most people will not agree with- You find out who really has your back! The 20's taught me that what doesn't kill you will still you! Sometimes you have to sit still to see the entire picture. I won't see my 20's again; but I am grateful for the time! I've lost a lot of trivial things but I gained the most important thing in my life and that is a true relationship with the King of Glory! He is a keeper! A moment without Him is meaningless so maximize the moments because life goes on.
Psalm 37:23-24 (King James Version)
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.