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More of Him and Less of Me

by rhodora bariuad  
10/25/2010 / Christian Living

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. - Genesis 50:20 - New International Version (1984)


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these are the words of joseph (the dreamer) when he finally revealed himself to his long lost brothers who intended to harm him many years ago out of jealousy, envy rather because of their father's love on him over his brothers.


But God revealed to Joseph that though his brothers intended to harm him, in the long run, God used that situation for good which is to preserve many lives during the famine in his time of dominion as a governor (second in command to the pharaoh). An event that cannot happen should his brothers did not left him to die in the well.


Many would think being loveless, childless is a very lonesome, pitiful, miserable life to live. Too scary to think you'll grow old alone, with no one to take care of you till u die. I thought of it several times before. I even believed i'll go insane if ever this happens. But now it does. I should wonder why im not yet crazy, why im even better than before. The answer is this. The night I pleaded to God to give me the peace of mind and justice i deserve. Everything else fell into place the following days. We finally find our peace of mind apart. I already knew what i wanted to know about him. We realized we're better off apart. And apart, i know we will be our better selves. I may not be the one to change him. And i will definitely be no closer to God when im with him. I found out, with him, life is just about waiting... for him everynight, for a baby to come. And during weekends, it will always be about the movies in the cable, strolling in the malls, posting sentiments on fb, everthing to pass time and get rid of feeling empty. I did come to God often when im still with him for i always asked God for a baby, for my work, for our relationship, for my future, for me, for me, for me. It was always been me for 8 long years. And life like this is tiring and wrong for someone who knew the Lord so well.


And that's why now. Now that i finally made my peace with the Lord. I want it to be more of Him and less of me. Now I find the joy expressing my praise and worship to Him in this wonderful church with wonderful people. Finding my small little ways to be of use to Him. Being blessed knowing you have blessed others in the same way they did with you. Now i can search more of Him and less of how to successfully have a baby. Now i find joy hearing His songs over other sentimental songs of the world. Finally i never think of what could have been and what might be. This is not about being careless, having no direction at all. It's just that this verse, i want to make it true to me - But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33).


So who cares about being loveless and childless? when you are surrounded by God's wonderful people? when you are seeing yourself borrowing only this life for a little while and then afterwards face your Maker to give account of all you've done? when you are loved by your faithful God who were there and will always be no matter what? who am I to complain? who am i to question? im just a creation, a pilgrim in this earth.


The Lord is my God. I should have the desire to give glory to Him. He made me realized the lordship of Him in me. I realized now that there are so much to work for for Him and not for me. And now He is filling every air i breathe with his love, joy and peace. And i dont ever wanna lose this feeling. No other longing could ever take this away from me. For as long as He is my sheperd, i shall not be in want. I may be strayed but will never be lost cause He calls me. He and I, will never part.


So to God be all the glory and praise His name for these wonderful people playing great roles in my spiritual life nowadays.

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