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What is the most Essential Factor for a Healthy Relationship?

by Greg Baker  
12/08/2010 / Relationships

What would be the most important ingredient to any healthy, successful relationship? Would it be love? Trust? Attraction? Or something else? This article explains the one factor, the one ingredient that is required for any relationship to be healthy and successful.

Sitting in front of my desk is a couple seeking marriage. As I am a pastor, this is not an uncommon sight. In an effort to get to know their relationship better and whether or not it will work, I always ask, "What is the most important factor in your relationship?" The usual, typical response is, "We love each other."

Of that, I am glad, but I will more often than not shake my head and say, "When you argue with people, is it with those you don't love or those whom you do? When you get into a fight, is it typically with those you love or those you don't? When you get angry with someone, is it normally with those you don't love or those you do?" The couple will usually glance guiltily at each other and then look uncomfortably back at me. They know the answer and so do I. Our success in a relationship is not dependent solely upon love. Love is not the most essential factor for a successful relationship.

So then, what is? The answer is simple: Communication.

Without the ability to properly express yourself, you cannot convey your love, trust, and attraction. You may love someone dearly, but if you lack the ability to convince them of your love, you will find your relationship filled with doubt and distress.

The Bible speaks of this when it says:

Proverbs 18:21 - Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

It does not matter who you are or what you do in life, your relationships is the most important asset you have. Your ability to communicate and convey your ideas, emotions, and thoughts is your greatest asset in a relationship.

Communication is a skill, not a talent. Some may be more skilled than others, but everyone can learn to communicate. Here are a few things to remember:


You cannot succeed in a relationship without the ability to communicate. Have you ever been misunderstood, taken the wrong way, or perceived to be something you are not? Most of us, if not all of us, have. That is a direct result of our failure to properly communicate something important to someone.


The core of our personality and being is the soul. It is unique and special. People only get to know the real you through the words you choose to convey yourself with. Who I am and who you are is most readily understood through what we say. What we do is important too, but ultimately people judge our words by our actions, not our actions by our words. People see our actions as supporting our word. Ultimately, the words we use are more important to others as it is our words that define who we are and what we do.


The basis of your relationships is often determined and defined by how well you communicate. A marriage, for example, may inadvertently lay a foundation of mistrust due to a husband's inability to convey his love for his wife as opposed to his excitement over a basketball game that often has practically naked women dancing in a provocative manner during breaks and timeouts. His enthusiasm may be misunderstood and his inability to communicate that to his wife will define his marriage in unintended ways.


You must learn to communicate well. Communication is the foundation and bedrock of any relationship.

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Or for books on communication and social skills in relationships! Specifically, our books 'Fitly Spoken' and 'Restoring a Fallen Christian'.

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