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HOW TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ...

by willetta pilcher  
3/13/2007 / Relationships

A pastor recently shared a chart that he uses to show how people fall in love. It matters not who you choose. They work equally well for an improved marriage or an affair or your dog. The choice is yours. It is a simple three step plan and I couldn't agree more with the premise. It is the reason pastors, lawyers, counselors and doctors are so vulnerable. Let's look at them.

1. SPEND TIME TOGETHER

Marilyn and Joe had recently met at a church social for young adults. Marilyn's smile attracted Joe to the slender, brown-headed young lady. Her quiet demure made her even more attractive. Sauntering over to where she was chatting with a mutual friend he purposely waited for an introduction.

Marilyn turned to acknowledge the introduction. Extending her hand she was captivated with the strong good-looking man in front of her. Her blue eyes sparkled with interest.

It wasn't long before Joe extended an invitation to take a walk in the cool September evening.

Spending time together is essential for a relationship to develop. It really doesn't matter where the time is spent, how it is spent, or with whom. What matters is that you have time together. During this time one learns about the personal likes and dislikes of their friend. Attitudes and habits are observed. Pleasantries are exchanged and surface information gathered (name, age, address, work history, family, background, education level, etc).

It is during this time that those involved make the choice as to just how deeply they wish to become involved with the other person. The possibility of a relationship is exciting.

The work place in many offices and factories are virtual hotbeds for romantic liaison. Working side by side gives those involved plenty of time to be together, often eight hours or more a day. There is often occasion to be close enough to touch and "feel" the presence of another. Add a bit of perfume and/or aftershave and the allure is even stronger.

Great care needs to be exercised if one is not to give the wrong impression to those with whom one works. Thoughts must be guarded as well as ones actions lest the other person be sent "silent" messages of availability.

In marriage it is equally essential that time be spent together. In our modern world it is not unusual for husbands and wives to be so busy that they have hardly any time with each other. With different work shifts, children's activity schedules, church involvement, and social events it is possible that families become like ships passing in the night.

2. SHARE DEEPLY

As Marilyn and Joe began to date with some regularity they found they enjoyed their time together. They attended church together, enjoyed a weekly dinner date, played miniature golf, went bowling, and met each other's families.

They especially enjoyed relating various intimate events that had taken place in their lives. Family values and morals were shared. Both found that they agreed on most issues including political ones.

It was a wonderful time of getting to know one another beyond mere acquaintance.

Grabbing an office luncheon together in business circumstances provides the opportunity for friends and/or work partners to involve themselves in conversations that open the door for sharing at a deeper level. Married individuals often share their dissatisfaction with their marriage partner. Arguments are discussed. Notes are compared. And before long a mutual understanding begins to grow.

Few people intend for these conversations to go any further than the luncheon but they often do. Sympathy and understanding begins to form a bond that is not easily broken. In the safety of non-commitment they reveal themselves and the depth of their hearts and minds.

Within a marriage the relationship is strengthened as they find a non-threatening area to discuss relational issues. Arguments and dissatisfaction within the marriage sometimes have little to do with the issue at hand. Fatigue, misunderstanding, poor communication, child raising issues, sexual frustration, stress... all enter into the atmosphere of marriage. A time apart from the pressures of life allows for non-threatening conversation.

Counselors often advise dinner dates for couples to discuss future plans, family concerns, and even marital dissatisfaction. The atmosphere is not immediately charged, voices must be kept at a low pitch because of other patrons, and those involved are generally more open to discussion by the time the "date" has arrived. Reasonableness is seldom achieved during a disagreement. Therefore it is better to talk in a more favorable, neutral environment. If the lack of finances are a problem a walk in the park, even a relaxed drive give couples time to share their hearts away from interruptions.

3. GET TOGETHER PERSONALLY

The intimacy of spending time together and sharing deeply from their hearts now provoked Marilyn and Joe to begin thinking in terms of love and marriage. They sought out time to be alone, just the two of them.

Being Christians they made sure the time was public enough to overcome any temptation they might have to be too intimate. But they had eyes for no one but each other. Their thoughts were consumed by each other. Everything that they planned involved each other.

Office situations often end up in clandestine affairs, lies, secret meetings, and motels. No one considers how many lives will be destroyed by those activities. They are certain they are in love but in reality sin has taken them farther than they wanted to go. They have allowed lust to enter the picture. In the beginning it may not have been about sex but it usually ends up that way. The enticement may have come through the desire for acceptance and approval. Never-the-less, sin wormed its way in. Such is the nature of sin. It comes disguised as "something to be desired."

Within marriage, the desire to be personal is to be expected and rightfully desired. But, even within marriage, it needs to be on a basis of loving tenderness. Many marriages have been destroyed by lusty demands, crude remarks and offensive behavior.

Being personal is more than sex. It is selfless giving, consideration, respect, loving appreciation, thoughtfulness, and pure delight in one another.

So there you have it... the formula for falling in love. Spending time together, Sharing deeply and Being personal. So simple and yet profound.

Have you fallen "out of love" with your spouse? Then go back and do the former things all over. Love will come when you decide to give your mate all of yourself and love them in an unconditional manner that accepts them for who they are, warts and all.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Willetta has spent most of her life ministering to people. In her late seventies, and a wheelchair now her mode of travel, she now ministers to people through the internet. Her webs are...
www.teachmethyways.org
www.successwithkids.org
www.theseedsower.org

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