How To Talk To Your Alcoholic Husband About Sexual Intimacy
by Angie Lewis 4/05/2011 / Marriage
Are you married to an alcoholic and feel taken advantage of in the bedroom? Some wives are letting us know they are offended and disgusted by their sloppy drunk husband during sexual intimacy. Many wives do not want to divorce their husbands but rather want to work on healthy detachment instead. So if you are trying to detach but need to talk to your husband about this important issue then read on to learn when is the best time to talk to your husband and what to say to him.
This is a sensitive subject, and one in which most wives of alcoholic husbands do not want to discuss with their husbands. Most wives of alcoholics report to us that they almost never enjoy sex or intimacy with their husbands after they have been drinking. Sadly, your husband is not really "there in the moment" when he is drunk and consequently lack of intimacy becomes a problem when married to an alcoholic. This is a sad situation, but a reality when married to an alcoholic, especially one who is in the later stages of alcoholism.
It's ok to talk with your husband about this issue, but be ready for disappointment if he can't keep his promise to you. Even though you let him know "how you feel" and they make promises to you of not drinking before having sex, they may break that promise. If they could keep promises they make to you then drinking would not be a problem for them. But the reason they break their promises is because alcohol is a problem for them!! So be prepared in case the alcoholic drinks and can't keep his promise; that's all we're saying.
When you talk to the alcoholic about this issue make sure he is sober. Don't make him "promise" that he won't drink before you make love, but tell them to at least "try" to work on not drinking before lovemaking. You shouldn't feel embarrassed to talk with your husband about this issue because sexual intimacy is a BIG part of marriage and one that truly needs to be communicated if there are problems. Just think, if you don't tell him he will never know how you feel. Be open and honest. Don't nag or complain but just tell him how you feel. Express yourself nicely and assertively. Be sensitive to your husband's feelings too. Don't say anything offensive that will make him want to start arguing.
Let him know that when he drinks too much and wants to make love that it is a turn off for you because of their sloppiness and selfishness. Let him know you love him and want to feel close and intimate with him but can't because he is too intoxicated and only wanting to gratify his own needs. Then explain to him that you would like to set aside two days a week when you can be together sexually, when he has not been drinking, not even one drink. For some couples early in the morning before getting up works well. Agree upon the days and the times together.
And remember, you aren't telling him he can't drink, you are simply letting him know that you need and want him sober for one or two hours on those two days a week that you both agree upon. Understand that you will have to do this if you want things to change in the bedroom. Always remember don't expect much and that way you won't be disappointed.
If you are the alcoholic reading this article then please bear in mind that when you have sex with your wife when you are drunk, you are most likely turning your wife away from you in disgust because of your sloppiness and self-seeking behavior. This will cause resentment and you don't want that. It would be to your advantage to accommodate your wife sexually and emotionally and to have sex with her when you are sober. Even an alcoholic can control when they drink if they set their mind to it. Your wife is not asking for too much from you, so you should work with her on this.