Many times I've wondered if I just didn't have enough faith for Ryan's complete healing to arrive in a great suddenly. Others have wondered as well asking, "Are you fasting? Are you tithing?" But in our defense, His word does tell us that if we have faith as small as a mustard seed then nothing is impossible. It also tells us that He is no respecter of persons; He doesn't play favorites. And He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So why is it that this mountain seemingly can't be moved? Much like any other lesson, He answered it with another question an enlightening, ahhhhh question.
What takes more faith, an immediate healing or a healing that comes in His perfect timing - even if that perfect timing is months or years down the road? His Word tells us that Jesus healed them all regularly, though they were of varying ages. Some, like the woman with the issue of blood, waited years and were healed as adults while others, like Jairus' daughter, were healed as children.
As time has gone on, I think that it isn't so much about having enough faith to make something move immediately. It is more about having enough faith to wait, enough faith to believe through the waiting period, enough faith to ask and keep asking, knock and keep knocking, seek and keep seeking.
I must confess that I dropped the ball many times on praying for healing. I felt like God was going to do what He was going to do. Maybe even worse, I stopped looking for that healing. It was too devastating to continue going up for prayer and feeling a sense of rejection on the way back to my seat. But as I was listening to a song last week one line has continued to ring out. "Could you not keep watch with me?"
I kept picturing my Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane in anguish about the debt He was about to pay for our salvation and healing, Ryan's healing. I was ashamed that I had lacked the faith to continue watching.
Going forward, I will continue to watch, pray, ask, seek, knock, and thank Him for the healing that IS coming in His perfect timing. I am confident that as I watch, and wait, I will see Ryan's little body continue to go from glory to glory just as I will continue to see my faith go from glory to glory.
Thank you, Lord, for paying the price for doubtful and sometimes bitter children!! I love you!
Thank you all for continuing watch and pray with us. I pray that God will revive your heart's desire and give you strength to watch with Him and walk it out........
Anita has been married to Wes for 23 years and has two children; Emily, 17 and Ryan, 7. Her hope is to encourage others, particularly those with special needs children. Her blog focuses on her faith in Jesus Christ and advocating for those with disabilities. http://anita-whyibelieve.blogspot.com/
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