6 Ways For Rebuilding Trust
by Angie Lewis 3/29/2007 / Marriage
Did you know that trusting your spouse is one of the most important elements of marriage? Did you know that without the sacred bond of trust between a husband and a wife, the marriage will be unhappily discontented all the while it heads down the path to destruction? How can you live with someone day in and day out and not trust them? I think it is time to look at our selves, wouldn't you agree?
There are six aspects that you should know to help build back the trust that has been taken from your marriage. These things can be followed in the marriage that has never experienced the beauty of trust as well.
Forgiving your spouse for something that has put the marriage on high alert is probably the hardest thing to do. That is why we look at our selves. Ask your self, why can't I forgive? Why do I not want to forgive? This is the question that needs to be addressed.
The reason many of us don't forgive is we want to stay safe in our feelings that unforgiveness gives us. We don't want to come out of the negative way we feel about our spouse because we are angry and resentful inside. Once we forgive, we can't hide inside our feelings anymore. Once we forgive we cannot behave the way our negative feelings tell us to. Once we forgive we can't use our spouses error against them anymore. Once we forgive we will have to come out of the resentment we are now living in. If you want your marriage to be free of these unhealthy emotions you will certainly need to forgive!
2. Cease Erring Against The Marriage
If trust has been broken, someone in the marriage either went astray or did something else to break the bonds of trust. Whatever that err was, that spouse NEEDS to quit and desist in their erring ways. If you are reading this article then I am positive that you would like to stop erring against your spouse. You can't expect your spouse to forgive you if you cannot stop erring in your ways, can you? Also as Christian's we are accountable to God, and that means if we have sinned then we need to repent and come back to the Lord.
3. Communicate Feelings
When was the last time that you had an intimate conversation with your spouse? Has it been a long time? Don't hold back your feelings; it is okay to show emotion once in awhile. When we use our feelings productively we are communicating in a good way that will get the issue on the right track to being resolved.
If you want to rebuild the trust with your spouse, they need to trust in what you say! They want to know that you care enough about them to ask them questions about their feelings and thoughts. Intimate conversation involves getting close to each other through your words and feelings. It helps to bring the bonds of marriage back together when we express ourselves properly and honestly.
4. Accept Spouse
Acceptance is so VERY important. Without acceptance of one another there will never be trust. Trust needs to be validated in the marriage. This is why if you have broken the trust-bond, you now need to forgive and accept. These two features go hand in hand. To forgive properly means you have decided to rethink your whole attitude about your spouse. There is no room left for brow beating your spouse about something they did in the past, especially if you have decided to forgive completely.
5. Discover Purpose Together
A spiritually deficient marriage will be a neglected marriage. It's really that simple. Too many times couples go their separate ways and instead of growing together in the marriage, they grow apart, damaging the intimacy between them. But a healthy marriage involves a spiritual togetherness that nothing can separate. Find things that you both like together and go after those things.
This spiritual togetherness might be to discover true purpose and meaning for your lives as a couple. It is so important to not neglect the importance of biblical study and prayer together. Discovering the Spiritual Christ for your marriage is what brings back the trust that is so vital for a happy marriage.
Everything takes time. You need to have patience and wait. Show your spouse that you trust them. Show them you have stopped erring against the marriage so they can trust you again. Remember your spouse has been deceived and they are hurting. Show them you will be accountable for your actions not just before them but also before God. Take responsibility, stop erring, seek God, communicate properly, and trust will come back into the marriage.