by Melissa Martin
11/09/2011 / Humor
My family elected me as President of the Vomit Patrol and Queen of the Dryer Lint. I didn't even have to campaign for these prestigious positions. It's like the office of the U.S. Justice of the Supreme Court; a lifelong position. However, I won the honor by defaultno one else would do it.
I work overtime during the flu season but the pay never changes and I feel so loved when duty calls. The job description also includes cleaning up hairballs hacked up by the cat. Once in awhile, I get to clean up a special treat when the dog pukes up a rawhide bone. The toilets salute me when I suit up and storm in with the bleach and Lysol. My weapons are ready at all times; paper towels and plastic gloves.
For some unknown reason mothers have the privilege of removing the lint from the dryer. Where did this unwritten law originate? Husbands and children must be allergic to the gray matter that collects in this holding area for sock fuzzes, animal hair, and other strange particles. It's also the same principle with bathroom scum. It seems like only mothers are special enough to remove it. I feel so honored! Being President of the Vomit Patrol and Queen of the Dryer Lint has provided transferable job skills and employment duties to add to my resume. Being a college graduate doesn't even compare! I may start a national club and call it MADLAVMothers Against Dryer Lint And Vomiting. Oprah may invite me to speak on her show. The possibilities are endless!
Melissa writes about the God and human connection and condition.
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