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by lynn gipson
6/04/2012 / Health
She wakes before shaking in fear, praying for God to let her die.
"Please, please, just take me home, I cannot live like this."
She then wonders if she's already dead and this place she is in is actually hell. For awhile she can't move her body. Then her mind goes to the drawer of her bedside table. Something in there will sustain her for a while. She slowly moves her hand to her left, pulls out the place where she keeps those evil little white pills. Hands shaking, hating herself, she opens the bottle and pops several small round pieces into her mouth.
Lying silently for a few minutes, her body stops shaking, her mind slows down and false clarity begins.
Courage is recalled, and she makes the first attempt to get out of the bed. Whoa now, not quite ready, she needs one more. Finally, the feeling in her arms and legs starts to return, and she rises once again and slowly makes her way to the bathroom.
Returning to bed, she climbs back in and falls back into a strange kind of slumber, body trembling, praying all the while. 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." Speaking His name over and over lulls her back to sleep. Upon awakening again, her body is calm and she can start her day.
Two hours later she begins to shake. Opening the drawer again, self hatred consumes her. "Just one more," she tells herself. Her hands stop shaking and tries to remember what she was doing a minute before. It doesn't matter, she starts another task. Halfway through the dusting she remembers she had a phone call to make. Reaching for the phone she can't recall just who she was going to call. She feels hungry, but preparing a meal is out of the question in her current state of mind. She suddenly feels tired and needs a nap.
She gets back into bed once more, but sleep won't come. Her mind is racing. It's been four hours so she feels she can have another pill. Opening the bottle and pouring out two she wonders what she would ever do without them. The tiny little pills have become her life and she is in bondage.
She is a Christian, but how could she be? Surely Jesus sees what she is doing right now. Of course he's not happy at all with her. Throughout this whole ordeal with the pills she has been praying to him to help her or please take her out of this place. Doesn't he hear? Where is he?
Something inside tells her pray one more time.
"An answer will come," the still, small quiet voice said. "Give it all to God. Surrender your heart and soul to Jesus. Now is the time to let it all go."
She kneels beside her bed and silently pleads for mercy and for the strength to overcome her addiction. She humbly asks God to release her from this bondage of hell. She asks for forgiveness for all of her sins. She asks in Jesus' name. Amen
She rises, a weight has been lifted. She feels a healing going on in her body. It won't be easy, she knows, but it will be possible with her Lord and Savior at her side. He, when the time was right, answered her prayers.
The next few weeks she must have called His name a thousand times a day. When the panic that comes with withdrawal hit her, she cried out to Him to save her, and so He did. When her body revolted, her soul stayed strong. She knew she would either die or get better, either way relief would come. Her hands shook so badly, a cup of coffee flew out of her hand. When she thought she could take no more, she prayed for her sanity.
Finally, after weeks of pure hell, her body and mind started to feel normal again. She knew she would live.
She lived, and now she can tell her story to all those who live in any type of bondage.
Jesus set her free when she surrendered it all to him. She knows this is how life is supposed to be. That's why Jesus died on the cross, so that she might live a happy, joyous and free life.
Today, she is stronger than she's ever been. She knows Christ was there all along, and he is with her today. She is living proof of what faith can do. No longer in bondage to anything or anyone, she lives to write about her Redeemer, the one who set her free.
I am a 61 year cancer survivor just recently become a writer. I write short stories, articles and poems of Christian or Spritual nature.
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