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The Book of James How James Helped Me Back on The Right Path

by Lois Hewitt  
6/05/2012 / Christian Living


A description of my life as of late would be spiraling out of control. Not in the sense of being addicted or some other such predicament, but in little ways that added up to big things. I lost my perspective on many things such as my religious beliefs, my marriage, my family life and basically what I expected out of life in general.

I lost hope. Depression shrouded me to the point I had trouble seeing anything but me. I gave up on others and assumed they would eventually give up on me. Hate became my constant companion. I hated most everyone, work and even my life.

Hate is a funny thing. I starts off small, maybe as righteous indignation but turns into an all consuming pit that is very hard to come out of. Hate clouds your mind as well as your judgment. Hate, and its lover, depression, can immobilize a person for a short time or indefinitely.

I allowed myself to fall into that pit quite a while ago. I wore my depression like some sort of badge. I wallowed in it like a pig wallows in mud. It covered me and made me a truly ugly person. I not only hated everything, I started to hate myself. The one thing that I revolved around, myself, became a point of hatred. Pretty soon, I was praying (I only prayed when I needed something, like God was some sort of cosmic ATM) to be taken from this world. I could see not reason to go on.

The hatred consumed me until when I looked in the mirror, I did not recognize the face. I would ask myself; who was that person? Where did she come from? She is hideous looking. I wondered what had happened. I cannot say I was always the happiest, most well-adjusted person, but I was able to make a facade worthy of that. I realized I had conned myself all these years. It may have looked great on the surface, but I was always ugly underneath.

What a revelation that was. In Hollywood, well-adjusted actors always say they stayed grounded because they did not "believe their own press." That is exactly what I have done most of my life, I believed my own press. I believed I was always the one who got the short end of a stick, even though I had nothing but the best of intentions. I suffered a silent martyrdom for so long, that I believed sainthood was just around the corner for me.

One day, I decided to dig out from the pit. I did not want to be that person anymore nor did I want to live her life. This was going to be a long hard climb but one I needed to do if I was to become the person I always dreamed of being. They say starting is the hardest part, I say the entire process is the hardest part. In the hardness and pain, is where the real benefit comes. I wish it was not that way. I wish there was an easy fix, but anyone who tells you there is, is lying.

Picking up an old (the pages were yellowed) Bible study book on James was my starting point. I have read my Bible, mostly just to soothe myself and say I did it. Comprehending it was an entirely different matter. I picked up this Bible study and started reading it. I prayed beforehand for God's help in letting me understand what He was saying.

One of the questions regarding the first chapter of James asked what I could do, personally, to achieve a better relationship with Jesus. My pen started flying across the page. I believe that God heard my weak prayer and allowed the Holy Spirit to speak to me. Eloquent, I am not, but these few items spoke to me and my life as a way to stop the cycle of depression and hate and replace those with peace and love straight from God.

Before I share my list, please note that there was not magical overnight transformation. This is a process I shall be working on for years and probably the rest of my life on this earth. But knowing that I am, at least, making strides to be more like Jesus and less like me helps to make the process more bearable...even fun at times.

I believed that Jesus had left me or maybe that He never existed in the first place. My ugliness allowed that kind of thinking and my weakness kept it alive for years and years. Breaking the cycle is never easy but it can be done. I hope to be living proof of that some day.

My list started with:

Pray, Read, Listen Understand, Apply and Live (I could have stopped right there, but the Holy Spirit had more to say).

Concentrate on one thing at a time.

Relieve anxiety without pills (goodbye Xanax). Use the Bible, Jesus can relieve anxiety.

Calm down and shut up.

Become secure in your faith then it can become unshakable.

Learn balance between work, play and deeds.

Discipline yourself to achieve smaller goals that will eventually parlay into a bigger picture scenario.

Be healthier lack of exercise and bad eating habits feed depression and hate.

Learn and plan to achieve patience.

Stop the cycle of always being busy.

Love learn to honestly love others more than yourself.

This is only the beginning of my journey but James taught me all that just in one chapter. Imagine what I can learn from the rest of God's word. Onward and, hopefully, upward I go!

I am just a regular person, struggling with life's ups and downs. My faith has been the cornerstone of my life and the Holy Spirit allows me to write.

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