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Loss of a Child

by Verona Raymond  
6/11/2012 / Death

His life was such a huge part of mine and I always knew that since he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure that there was a possibility of him not having a long life because of this and being too young to
take all this on. A loss of a child is something that I never wanted to experience.

Unfortunately dilated cardiomyopathy which is an enlarged weakened heart, ran in his dad's family and my son had to live a challenging life because of it.

I used to spend a lot of time in tears because I hated the fact that he had to live his life not feeling well most of the time with all the hospital stays and near death circumstances that happened way too often.

I wanted more than anything to have him healthy and happy because when he was feeling this way it made so happy too. It really made my day when he would call and update me with positive things that he was excited about. I miss those calls more than anything. One thing that he and I always did was tell each other "I Love you" after each visit and phone call.

When he was a young boy, he was so sweet, smart, and a real character and always sat on everyone's lap and gave them hugs. As he got older, we continued to have great times together and he always made me laugh.

He always told me he wanted a brother or sister, and he wished I had another child to take care of because I doted on him too much. I always wanted to be there for him because he had a hard time taking care of
himself sometimes as most anyone who is in their 20's would with a serious heart condition. He was irresponsible sometimes and had such a difficult time coping with his weekly blood tests, doctor appointments, medication, nutrition, etc.

I just wanted the best for him and to keep him healthy as long as possible. But being a young man, I knew it cramped his image when I was around and a little embarrassing for him!

The first time he was admitted to the hospital when he had been very sick, they immediately took him into surgery and implanted a balloon in his chest to help his heart pump better.

This surgery which was only supposed to have taken only thirty minutes, took at least an hour and a half.

I knew how sick he was and I was praying for him in the waiting room and repeating over and over again,

"God Does Miracles." Finally they came out and told me he made it through the surgery, but was only a few hours from passing away when he arrived at the hospital earlier. We had been trying to get him to the hospital long before that, but it was out of town and he hadn't seen the doctors there before and they wouldn't admit him.

Later that day the doctors took me into a private room and said that there is a chance that my son may not make it. I told them that he was my only child and it can't happen because I couldn't bear the loss of a child.

In the next few visits to his room, the doctors came up to me and told me that when they were implanting the balloon, they thought that their machines were not working properly, because it showed that he practically flat lining, but was still alive! They said in the history of all the patients in this hospital, they had never seen anyone survive with a pulse that low. I then told them, he had a lot of people praying for him, including the church, family members and friends.

Along with this miracle, God also saved my son so many times from a lot of near death visits to the hospital and being hit by a car on his bike.

After receiving a heart pump or L-Vad and when he was in the hospital a while back because of infection, the doctors were in the room and told us they thought his infection was getting worse and was going to follow the L-Vad drive line to his heart. The minute they left the room I said to my son, you know who can fix this and he said "I know." So we both prayed together that the infection would get better.

The next day the doctors came in and told us it hadn't gotten as bad as they thought and Shane went home soon after that.

Many times he went home when everybody thought that he wouldn't. I've even had the nurses hug me and say their sorry and I would think "hey he's not gone yet!"

Within the last year or so my son had been battling infection again with his drive line that went to his L-Vad which was his heart pump, and one doctor thought that he could get off the antibiotics and didn't
prescribe any more for him. At the time, I thought this was a mistake and it wound up being a big one, because he was in the hospital for six weeks with a blood infection.

I knew but never told my son, that this was possibly a fatal mistake that this doctor had decided, and there was no way to fix his immune system which was even more weakened now. Plus he had contracted Hepatitis C because he made a big mistake of getting a tattoo by a non-professional.

He ultimately passed away from a brain aneurysm, he had many blood clots throughout his body. I could blame
that doctor for his death. I could be bitter and blame my son's wrong decisions but I won't for two reasons. One, it would just eat away at me and I would be thinking if only if these things hadn't happened, he'd still be alive. Two, God says in the Bible that there is a season or a time for everything and there isn't anything we can do to change that, we are all predestined in this life.

This verse was sung by the Byrds an old band from the 60's, some of us older generation remember this song:

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up (or reap) that which is planted;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

At his last visit to the hospital, Shane had so much pain especially in his back and they couldn't understand why he had all the pain. He barely talked to me on the phone from the hospital without hanging
up soon because he didn't feel well at all.

The last time I ever saw him conscious there, was a few days before he passed away, and both of us prayed together for his pain to go away. I remember thinking that maybe it won't go away here in this hospital, but God may have to take him because his suffering was more than what God was going to allow for him.

I hurt so much even thinking about this then, but deep in my heart I knew it was a possibility. I felt that God was preparing me in the days leading up to this, but I tried to ignore what I felt in my heart because I couldn't bear that thought, plus they were saying he was going to come back home.

But today I've got to just focus on where he is now. When my son was younger, maybe 11-12 years old we both used to go to church together and he was saved and baptized in the creek by the church. I know that if I didn't believe that he was in Heaven right now, my pain would be unbearable!

I'm really glad that God knew it was going to be impossible for anyone on this earth to be perfect. That is why he sent his son Jesus to come here and die on the cross so that we could be forgiven for the wrong
things that us mere human beings do, and have a second chance to be able to go to Heaven.

A great Bible verse to read is: 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish (or die) but have everlasting life. John 3:16.

There is another great verse from the Bible that says basically that we can't even imagine how great it will be there someday.

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

I know he is now skateboarding, swimming, bike riding, snowboarding and drawing.

Instead of dwelling on the loss of a child, this is what I try to focus on and I remind myself that he is extremely healthy and happy now.

Verona Raymond has written many Christian articles and owns a blog called Praise Blogs. It is a great place to read others praise or post your own.
http://praiseblogs.com

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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