This is an account of my first moments after my husband's death and my struggle with the questions his mental anguish during his last conscious hours caused me to experience. It is an exploration into my own doubts as I transition to a renewed faith. While it does not answer all my questions, it does allow me to find comfort and hope for the days ahead.

For 20 years I was an ordained pastor in the United Methodist Church. My husband's death came 3 months after my retirement. We would have been married 49 years that spring. Since my retirement I have enjoyed writing and have had several articles published.

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