I used to think God was so unfair because of everything around me and also the way my life unfolded. When we read the Parable of Mathew 20 we see the owner of the vineyard was so unfair to the early labourers. I could not see the justice in paying the same wage to the morning workers along with those of the eleventh hour. Even though the owner is free to do what He wanted with His wealth, I felt He did not do justice to those who have been striving all day long. I think each one of us have been in situations where we feel the full weight of rage, hurt, pain, anxieties, covetousness, resentment and even depression that unfairness bring into our lives.
Not only I had to deal with the unfairness around me and in my life, but the parable in Mathew 20 did not help, as such, this parable has always been a stumbling block for me. After a few years, I felt, as a Christian I should not entertain thoughts of God not being fair. So, I learned to suppress those thoughts to avoid challenging God's generosity, mercy and wisdom and filed my dissatisfaction under the headings of "things that I will never understand in this lifetime." But even the fact that I felt the need to suppress those thoughts was not the right attitude because I was functioning on a "resignation mode." I had to learn to live this dichotomy in my walk with Him, until He took me to the wilderness to teach me His life and His government. Little did I know, this attitude of seeing the owner of the vineyard unfair came from viewing Salvation from my own perspective and cultivating the attitude of a parasite.
Please do not think for a moment that I did not have my share of unfairness. My whole life has been and is still plagued by unfairness so much so that I use to feel pity for myself. Starting with unfairness from the workplace, family treatments, the success of almost everyone in my family when I only know a life where I have to struggle to come up with two pennies. Even my Church I felt I was penalized for going around without a mask and yes I was treated unfairly on several occasions. Up until a few weeks ago I had to deal with such an unfair issue in my life and the life of my son that I had to go to God and ask Him why now when you know I live for you alone?. While the result of this present unfairness is painful and it will be in my family long after I pass away, but God has dealt with me as a friend. Having been made aware of what He is trying to achieve to this unfair situation, while it is still breaking my heart, but I found peace and I am grateful for the way He dealt with me.
When we find situations in this life that make God seems so unfair, it is of the outmost importance that we go to Him in stillness and prayers with the right attitude of the heart, before we start using our own intellect to comprehend. It is okay to be devasted by what is happening to you. It is okay to cry your heart out and even a little pity party if you want to. But, it is not okay to let this type of attitude be your final response to Him. One of the worst things that we can do is sympathize with the understanding of our own intellect, with other people who are in similar situations.
To understand this parable in Mathew 20, we need to think with the Holy Spirit mind and thoughts. As long as we insist on human intellect we cannot see the beauty the fairness, the generosity and goodness that permeates this parable. When we learn to live Salvation from God's point of view instead of ours, and when we learn to love with the Agape love of God in our hearts, the parable is precious. You see, these things that accompany Salvation such as oneness with the father, friendship, submission, freedom from bondage etc., as they cease to be things that we assume we have, but rather possessing them in our hearts and souls, we no longer work for the sake of the prize in Heaven. The prize we will receive in Heaven is secondary compared to finding Him here while in our earthly suit. Christianity is such an adventure with Christ that if we could grasp in our mind what we are missing, none of us would want to stay away from Him.
In time, I learned that the denarius that was paid to each one of the worker is the very basic that each one of us no matter who we are in this life, will receive. But, the moral of the story is to teach us about God's generosity and the price of Salvation that none of us could afford. In fact, when you have truly found Him in your soul, you cannot help but feels for everyone in the Church along with the unbelievers the same way Paul felt for the Jews. In Romans 9: 2-3 he said: "I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers..." This spiritual sorrow is there because you know more people will be cast off than those making into Heaven for the only reason they have rejected Him in many shapes and forms. So, knowing what is at stake, not only you do not care being amongst those who have to toil much harder and make more sacrifices in this lifetime for the same denarius but you are willing to give up your life so that more could find Him and possess what you have come to possess in your heart and soul.
It is an awesome thing to be brought to a place where we are emotionally healed of all the pain unfairness has brought to us. We learn to come to terms with all the shattered dreams in our lives. When nothing works, yet we know we work so hard for what we expect. When we have hurt piled up in our hearts because we have been treated by others as if we do not matter. When your spouse turns out to be more Mr Hyde than Jekyll & take pleasure in hitting below the belt. Worse than that, we might be called in this life to never know what it means to experience the love a loving parent, or the tenderness of a son or a daughter or the love of a good man or woman in our lives. And if you are like me, your life is marked by so many detours that even though you know Him in an unbelievable way, yet you are still wondering, and still in awe that He managed to find you. If you allow Him to bring you in the middle of His will for your life, I promise you that you will joyfully find out that He has never lost sight of you in all the detours. All of it has been worked out to make you who you are in Him today. Would you let Him take you by the hand and bring it all to pass? Let Him be your God, let Him embrace you in an endless hug that leaves you wanting nothing from no one. He loves the outcasts like us.
With all my love,
M. J. André
M.J. Andre has written the newly released Christian book "Apprehended & Apprehending"
The book is now availalbe on Amazon and Amazon Kindle, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble
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