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Pastor Judges Beaches' Beauty Contest

by Greg Miller
10/15/2012 / Humor

2012
　
All of the world's beaches competed in a beauty contest.
　
Sandy's Beach drew visitors from near and far to its romantic atmosphere and luxurious hotels.
　
Sandee's Beach was known for the large number of antique shops lining its boardwalk.
　

Sandie's Beach had the most visible natural attractionbeautiful views made possible by the stars flung across the black canvas of space.
　
All three beaches recognized their individual responsibilities to honor and worship the Sovereign Lord. At the same time, they developed a friendly competition.
　
The beaches were able to communicate through an intricate network of shared grains of sand, including Sandy Grain, Sandie Grain and Sandee Grain.
　
Sandy Grain shouted the praises of Sandy Beach. "He's the most rugged beach," Sandy Grain bragged.
　
"Of course, you think that," Sandee Grain retorted. "He's in your network of beaches."
　
"Well, I believe Sandie Beach is the more popular beach because not many sharks are seen near her shores," said Sandie Grain. "And I'm sure that Sandee Grain believes Sandee Beach has more positive points than us other beaches, don't you?"
　
"Well, now that you mention it, Sandee Beach is home to the world's best sand," Sandee Grain laughed.
　
"Let's have a vote to break the tie," suggested Sandy Grain.
　
"We need an unbiased judge," said Sandee Grain. "A country church just opened a small congregation near our beaches. Maybe we can get the pastor to help us with our decision."
　
The grains of sand contacted the pastor about settling their dispute. Pastor Sand E. Beaches agreed to decide for them.
　
"I'll need a little time before rendering my decision," said the pastor.
　
"How much time?," inquired Sandee Grain.
　
"About a month," the pastor responded.
　
"Why do you need so much time?," asked Sandie Grain.
　
"I want to be totally objective," the pastor replied. "I want to spend a few days at each beach before making my decision."
　
"So how much will you charge us?," asked Sandy Grain.
　
"Not a dime," smiled the pastor.
　
"That's wonderful," said Sandy Grain. "We really appreciate it."
　
Pastor Beaches visited the beaches and compiled his report, which stated, "My visit at each beach was highly memorable. I'll never forget the hospitality and tranquility. They are all equally deserving of being called the best."
　
Sandy Grain, the group's treasurer, was surprised to receive an invoice from the pastor. The total amount due was $7,777.77. Sandy Grain was a bit upset, so he called the minister to discuss the invoice.
　
　
"I thought you said your evaluation services were free," grumbled the grain of sand.
　
　

"My evaluation was free," the pastor stated. "If you had looked at the invoice a bit more closely, you would have noticed that the requested amount was not an evaluation fee, but simply for reimbursement of expenses! The food and lodging costs were out of sight!"
　
　
To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraisers and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected].
　

By Greg Miller 2018

Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord

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