Okay, girls...your turn. You didn't think I'd only pick on the guys, did you? (see "Will You Ride Again?" (Kevin Elliott, 2011))
So, here we go!
Why can't more girls be ladies? Today's females have forgotten the importance of being ladies. In my observations, I see more and more women acting more like fools than like women. When I refer to 'ladies,' I'm not talking about how men should see youthat's been covered. I'm talking about a) how you should see yourself, and b) how you should see men. I've met a lot of girls who have never been treated like a lady, so they didn't know what a real 'lady' was (this isn't just the fault of the man not being a gentleman, so hang on a second before you jump on that). I see three problems that cause this:
1) Your Image
2) Your Message
3) Your Mission
Your Image is both how others see you and how you see yourself. Many girls have low self esteem or anxiety issues because they don't feel loved or wanted enoughbecause they don't know how to act like, or be treated like, a lady. Girls, in general, seek means to meet their emotional needs (some are content and others don't care, so I say 'in general'), even if it means looking like a bleep, acting like a bleepity, or giving in to whoa MANY DON'T EVEN REALIZE THEY'RE DOING IT! How you see yourself is very important. You should respect who God created you to be, strive for higher things in life, and make sure you appear to others as you would like to appear to yourself. How others see you is almost more important than the first. First impressions are crucialbut so are last impressions. What you wear, who you're with, and what you're doing are all things that send messages, even if you don't realize it (as mentioned above). Cleavage, tight clothes (that show curves), bikinis, spaghetti straps, low collars, tube-tops, short shorts, mini-skirts, and other skin-showing 'fashions' should be eradicated because they cause so much damage in a man's mind. There are things called hormonesin case you didn't know. When men see female skin near 'private' areas, these hormones tend to kick in, resulting in a dizzying explosion of 'WHOA' in a man's mind. Men who don't experience this are either gayor castrated. It's a normal reaction. It's how we get the word 'Attraction.'
"Men are pigs! Why do they look?" I've heard girls say/ask this. It's not fair to menespecially gentlemen. If I could turn it off, I would gladly do so, to honor and respect all womenbut that's not God's design to have that turned off.
"Well, then, men should learn to control it!" Yeahfunny. Having complete control over this function is like you having complete control over your Period. Good luck!
We try! Gentlemen really do try! True gentlemen with sufficient practice in the discipline of being a gentleman often succeed in beating the temptations down. However, here is my point: It is SO much easier to beat it down if women are not showing what they have. Like a game of Poker, it is wise to keep your cards covered until you're ready to go "All In."
So, please, to help us out and improve Your Image, follow these guidelines:
-There should always be a 'neck-line' on your shirt. If there isn't one, you're not wearing a shirt, you're wearing a 'towel.'
-If your neck-line sits any further down than one finger below your collar bone, it's too low-cut. (If you were to bend over while facing us, what do we see?) Layering is a good option, too, but a lot of girls buy layering shirts, but don't layer.
-You should find longer shirts if bending over creates a problem. (If you bend with your back towards us, what do we see?)
-If your shirt is form-fitting to the point that we can imagine what you look like without clothes on, please find looser shirts. You can purchase larger sizes or boy's/men's sizes for shirts so that they will be looser and still comfortable. (Women's shirts are often made over a mold so that they fit the curves of the mold.)
-Why do they say that smooth legs are attractive? Because smooth legs are attractive! This means: "DANGER! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" If we see more of your legs than we do of your shorts, what are we seeing? (More of your legsduh.) In general, shorts are fine, but the short shorts, mini-skirts, and holey shorts (which show even more skin) are dangerous for a man's mind.
-Please do what you can to hide bra-straps, underwear bands, and swimsuit straps (which look like bra-straps). These are tempting simply because of their association with the article of clothing. Weird, right? I knowhence there's a problem.
I realize that men are guilty of some of these things (my bra-straps show all the time, I can't help it...just kidding) and should keep their shirts on, pants pulled all the way up, wear looser shirts, keep their hands to themselves, and other things. I know there's a lot to tell men. I already wrote one message to men. They're also getting a book from me! (This will take quite a bit of time, but it will cover everything it possibly can.) This message, however, is about you.
If you can cover yourself so that men are less tempted by your skin, it will be ten times easier for men to treat you like a lady because the battle in their mind is so much easier to win.
What is it you say, not only with your image, but with your words and how you convey those words? It is so easy to fall to gossipto say something behind someone else's back--but this can be so damaging. Extroverted girls need to talkoften. Don't argue with meit's fact. Unfortunately, a lot of this 'talk' is venting, which often turns into gossip. I'm not saying this always happensa lot of girls know to be careful about gossip. I'm just saying that it happens frequently enough that it's a problem. Ladies don't stab anyone in the back. A true lady nurtures and lifts up. A true lady puts the needs of others before her own. A true lady says what needs to be said, but not in a way that is crude or completely disrespectful.
Women are VERY GOOD at telling the truth, sharing their feelings, and reprimanding. They're also VERY GOOD at nurturing, encouraging, and rebuilding. Women are better communicators than men. The problem is when this skill of communication is used in a selfish form, seeking to harm others, or used to get out of a situation instead of resolve it. So, my challenge to you here is to learn how to communicate as a ladynurturing, encouraging, supportive, but honest and corrective if need be. As a man's biggest challenge is dealing with his hormones and female temptations, a girl's biggest challenge is dealing with emotional roller-coasters and how they affect communication and reasoning.
Do you have a mission? Do you have goals for your life? I know a lot of people who don't. If you don't have goals established, establish them! If you don't know where you're going, pull out a map. If you have nothing to do, find a passion. A lot of girls (and guys) are SO focused on relationships that they can't see anything else. Your Knight is coming, don't worry. The question is, will his lady be mature, prepared, strong, encouraging, focused, respectful (and respected), and disciplined (relating to self-discipline, determination)?
These three things (Your Image, Your Message, and Your Mission) all influence your degree of 'Lady-ness.' How you see yourself, how you allow others to see you, what you say, what you do (Any habits you'd like to break?), and where you're headed. These are things to consider in your attempt to woo and be wooed. If you want to be a lady, first consider the gentlemen. For what do they fight? Where do they stand? Do you see eye to eye?
If you've never been treated like a lady, I apologize on behalf of all the lame-brain sissy-boys who haven't figured out how to man up. You deserve better treatment and true gentlemen want to give that to you. On the other side of the coin, though, gentlemen would like to be respected, understood, appreciated, and supported. So, in your quest to become a lady, remember the gentlemen, and let them know they stand out against the boyslet them know they're special and needed. Women are great at nurturing communicationthat's exactly what hard-working gentlemen need. They hold you as their heartsthey'd like to be treated the same way. Being or becoming a lady is not hardyou just have to understand your other half and what we're trying to accomplish.
Copyright (c) 2011, Kevin A Elliott.
Kevin Elliott is a psychology student, game designer (www.cosegames.com), and writer of many genres. He seeks to use his training, experience, and goals to reach out to everyone he can in Jesus' name.