I have heard it said that we have a "God-shaped hole" that no one and nothing can fill except Him, and I suppose that is true. Oh, we call it other things low self-esteem, insecurity but deep down, where no one else can see, the emptiness in our souls is the place where God should be. Just how does He go missing?
After all, He said, "I will never leave or forsake you," didn't He? I dare say in the hour of our birth He lives in us. Doesn't the Bible say that He formed us in our mother's womb, and that He has numbered our days? Wouldn't the baby born too soon or too small, who slips away after so brief a time here on earth, go straight back into the Father's arms? Wouldn't a tiny life, made in the very image of God, who comes into the world already gone be simply back in the arms of Jesus Himself?
So how does it happen that we, made in the very image of God, our days numbered, our hairs counted, our tears kept, as we grow, grow away from our Creator? If He is meant to live in our hearts, why do we so often find Him not there? When we step out of Heaven and into the domain of the Prince of Darkness, his siren sound of wooing and tempting begins and we, like prodigals, longing for greener pastures, go eagerly to find the world's gold, to seek the pleasures of this world, striking out on our great adventure to "discover ourselves" but what do we discover? We discover that the ones who promised to be faithful aren't, that the ones to whom we give ourselves away to our body, our mind, our souls is on to the next thing when we become old hat.
We find that we are not enough not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, just not good enough, but we think that we can be. If only. We think sex means love. If we dress a certain way or say a certain thing, if we lose ten pounds, if we find a better job, if we join a gym, if we buy a bigger house, if we can find a boyfriend, girlfriend, lover or spouse, if we travel around the world, if we get a degree, if we know the right people, if, if, if. If only. And on it goes.
Nevertheless, through all things, God still has not left us. God is all around us. He's in the sky, He's in the trees. He's in the birds, the flowers, the sea, and the stars. Why then do we still feel empty? Why? He is not in us. The Holy Spirit is a gentleman; he won't force Himself on you. What if I told you that you can be made whole, that you can come to the place of no more looking, no more searching, no more empty? No more. The Bible says to draw near to God and He will draw near to you; if you search for Him, He will be found by you.
What if I told you that, without a doubt, you can come to the place of "good enough"? What would it mean to you to know, to understand that you are dearly loved for who you are and not what you do or say or how you look? To know that you can be beyond the opinions of others, and the ability of words and actions to touch who you are, beyond the sting of rejection or criticism, and to know that no matter what anyone can ever say or think about you that you can know that you are dearly loved, a treasure beyond measure, a jewel, precious and adored and accepted always?
That is what God thinks you are. You are His joy; you are why He made the world. It gave Him pleasure to create you so that He might love you. I don't know if that seems like much to you, but to me it is everything. Finally. I have been on a long journey to get here. I've been walking and calling, searching and seeking, trying and failing, and all along I've been going the wrong way. When I turned to God, He was there, but I didn't get it right away. I simply started to get to know Him and about Him. I read His Word; I listened to teachings; I met His people; I read some books about His nature and the way He works. Finally, I met with Him and He with me. In the quiet of the early morning, all alone with the lights down low, I bowed my head; I prayed some prayers; I shared some fears; I brought my grievances and God talked to me. Sometimes He had to interrupt me.
Sometimes I just could feel Him, sometimes I didn't, but every day as we talked and met, as I shared and asked and wondered aloud, He made His way back into my heart, and one day He became real to me a real person, alive and present and that day I knew. I was finally good enough. I never have to fear His leaving or losing His love. I don't have to work to keep Him near me. I just have to be and that is good enough. Although I hope to never see it, I still know that if I lost every material thing I have my family, my home, my job I will never, never be alone. He has me, I can never lose Him, and now I know how Job could bear it all. He still had God and God still had him and He has me too.
I have always loved writing, more recently, have fallen madly in love with Jesus, and so I am happy to be able to join two things I love and to honor Him with the gift He so generously gave to me and to work to further His kingdom. His Word will not return to Him void.