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Confessions of a Wanna-Be-Mom

by Shakera Reid-Stewart  
5/18/2013 / Womens Interest

A couple years ago I found out that I was pregnant. I was thrilled! I mean, that was the natural progression of things, right? "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage." Well, it would seem that it was not meant to be because shortly after, I had a miscarriage. It broke my heart a bit, but I knew that it was common and I knew that God had a plan. My husband put up the bravest front for my benefit. I cried once or twice and then moved on. Well, it's been two or three years since then and we still haven't been able to have a child due to internal issues on my part. I know that there are so many women out there who have been longing for the opportunity to be a mother. As Christians some of us know the right things to say and the right emotions to show, but these are some of the real things I wonder:

"After taking care of so many people's children, why can't I take care of one of my own?"

"After making the conscious effort not to settle and to live right according to the word, now that I am married why can't we have a child?"

"While so many others have children that they don't even want when a man even breathes close to them, why is it that I'm having such a hard time?"

"After planning and attending so many baby showers, when can I arrive at my own?"

So, after the emotional roller coaster of miscarriage, physical and mental anguish, D &C, hospital bills, myomectomy, fertility procedures, etc., I would love for my testimony to be that I have a bouncing baby boy or girl as evidence of God's goodness and grace. For those of you who thought my encouragement would come in the form of that declaration, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I've been married for almost four years now and we still have not had a child. What I do have and am thankful for is the love, support and companionship that come along with my marriage. For a while I was a bit nervous that the right man would never come, but here he is. He didn't come along the way I wanted or expected, but here he is. He didn't initially come as what I wanted, but he came as what I needed. He didn't become my husband within the timeframe that I slated, but here he is. Why should it be any different for my baby?

As I often tell people, for as far back as I can remember, there are only a few things that God has ever withheld from me. Everything comes in His time and only if that thing is right for you. I would never tell you that my heart doesn't lift and then fall at the sight of a baby these days or that on occasion I'm not saddened by the situation. I won't ever tell you that sometimes I'm not even a little angry. What I will tell you is that I remain hopeful, I talk to God, I lean on His promises and I remain thankful that there are other avenues to follow in order to become a mom. Be encouraged!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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Shakera Reid was born in Kingston, Jamaica and raised in Miramar, Florida. Her passion in life is counseling and educating youth. Hobbies include reading, writing and watching movies. Her hope is to encourage others through her writing and to help them in their Christian walk.

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