The night I was to arrive on planet Earth was a typical wintry night; cold, bleak, and windy, with a promise of another six inches of snow before morning.
The doctor had already established my ETA (estimated time of arrival) sometime between midnight and dawn, and as luck would have it - all airports were closed, planes grounded, and not a Stork within a 500 mile radius of the hospital, where my parents waited anxiously for my arrival!
The nurses were taking turns between reassuring and comforting my mother one minute, then hurriedly running to the window to check the skies for a glimpse of the long-legged bird the next; and Dad? He was wearing the halls out with his pacing back and forth from the Waiting Room to the Delivery Room Entrance - not to mention his shoe leather.
It wasn't any picnic for me, either! With All that noise and commotion outside, coupled with the increasing discomfort of such cramped quarters inside, I decided to take matters into my own hands!
"To heck with that bird", I thought to myself, "getting out of here shouldn't be THAT difficult"; so I glanced around and spotted a possible "escape hatch" beneath me, did a 90 degree somersault and headed south.
I had been shaping-up; flexing my muscles by elbowing and kicking, and getting stronger every day, so this should be a breeze! Hmmm...famous last words!
It took hours! I would push, shove and struggle for a minute, then rest. Push, shove and struggle again, then rest! After what seemed an eternity, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! One last, big Heave-Ho...and I arrived! Destination Earth at 4:52 AM on a cold winter day in the middle of winter.
Tired, bedraggled and looking like a wet noodle, I was whisked away for a wash job, given a once-over by the doc, then wrapped in a soft, pink blanket and deposited in the arms of my mother.
Just as I was getting warm and cozy, the nurse came in, picked me up and hustled me off to the Nursery, ex-plaining that - (Get This!)..."your mother needs to get some rest now". Excuse me?? Who do they think made this gruelling, laborious trek anyway? Navigating through uncharted territory to get here on time? AND without assistance from a stupid bird?
Anyway, off to the nursery for me; but just as I was closing my eyes for some well deserved shut eye, I caught a glimpse of an old gentleman waving at me through the window. Instant bonding took place - we were both wrinkled, toothless and bald.
And under the watchful eye of my grandfather, I slept like a baby.
* * * *
Many birthdays later, I have become an adult, and find the fictional myth about storks delivering babies not only laughable, but uncomprehensible!
I figure it this way. A child asked an adult, "Where do babies come from?", and the adult, not being a fast thinker on his feet, blurted out - "The Stork brings them". How stupid can you be!!
Do you realize our most beloved mythical character from the North Pole had enough sense to reject the Stork as a potential sleigh flyer? He knew they weren't worth a plugged nickle during the winter, thus he opted for the four-legged hat racks (reindeer) to deliver HIS precious packages!
And what about the witch who'd rather ride on a broom than hitch a ride with a stork? Or the guy on his magic carpet that won't fly in the same Jet Stream with the unreliable big-beaked bird!
We may joke about the stork, but "thus saith the Lord that made thee and formed thee from the womb" (Isa 44:2 KJV) we are precious in His sight.
And yet Human Beings will trust their precious "bundles of joy", mythically speaking, to an unreliable bird that can't even fly in winter.
Meanwhile, if a little freckled face genius asks, "Why do doctors get paid for something the Stork does?"
Hey...you're on your own! I'm outta here! Good Luck!
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