Good Intentions Don't Count
by Abby Kelly 1/22/2014 / Marriage
I am doing a Bible study about intentional living. So I wasn't expecting a verse about marriage to pop off the page. But then I shouldn't be surprised, God is always intentional about getting our attention so that He can make us more like Jesus.
"Teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
Don't see anything about marriage in that verse? That's because you're not reading it with the intention of seeing God's plan for your marriage. It's there.
The Bible also says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." (Proverbs 9:10)
Don't you imagine in that our unions would be much improved if we governed them with wisdom? If we related to our spouse with wisdom and in the fear of the Lord, don't you think we could avoid many of the pointless arguments, cold shoulders and the silent treatment? Where does this heart of wisdom come from? How do we cultivate a fear of the Lord in our homes and in our relationships?
We gain a heart of wisdom when we learn to number our days. The phrase, "Teach us to number our days", has a much stronger meaning in the original Hebrew. It means to: Consider, be skillful in, reckon, prepare for and appoint with intention the temporal, brief mornings and evenings of life. (That's just my lengthy amplified paraphrase.)
Often, I don't think we approach our marriages intentionally. The expectation is for love and fuzzy feelings to buoy the relationship through the hard times. But when things get really gritty, there's no deep-seated recourse, no Biblically founded intention to hold the marriage together.
There's a catchy little phrase that has spawned many a movie. "Live each day as if it were your last."
That saying is a modern assertion of the truth of Psalm 90:12. Even unbelievers know that acceptance of our brevity brings freedom, genuine love and a correcting of priorities. How many stories are told of someone diagnosed with cancer who suddenly determines to reconcile with a long-estranged sibling? How many times have we heard of someone learning they have months to live and suddenly choosing to work less, spend more time with family and begin seeking God? There's no denying that numbering our days produces wisdom and ignites intention in our hearts.
So what if we could harness this knowledge of our few and temporal mornings and evenings so that we might have this wisdom now for our marriages and other relationships?
In American vernacular there's a big difference between having good intentions and living intentionally. I go to bed each night with good intentions to speak kindly to my husband tomorrow and pray for him. I have good intentions when I plan to make his favorite dinner tomorrow or remember to ask about that meeting he had yesterday. Good intentions are my plans to go to the gym and eat more vegetables.
But living my marriage intentionally requires that I apply some elbow grease to those intentions. If I don't do the hard work to make good on those intentions, then that is all they remaingood intentions, and I must plan again to live intentionally.
Marriage is one of those few relationships that we commemorate every year. Save for the embarrassed hubby that forgot several times, most couples know exactly how many years, and could calculate how many days, they've been married. We number those days. Therefore, we're halfway toward a heart of wisdom.
Next time strife or bitterness raises its head or that gulf slowly widens between you and your spouse, stop and count the days. They are few. Psalm 90 goes on to say that we have 70, maybe 80 years if we're lucky.
We are finite creatures. All our miseries and complaints are so small and short-lived compared to the eternal glory purchased for us by Christ. The first step toward governing our marriages with wisdom is to recognize how fleeting they are. Next, we must intentionally order, prepare for and appoint our days.
It's so easy in the heat of the moment, to assume that this crisis of miscommunication or hurt will ruin our lives, make or break our relationship. It can't destroy us if we don't let it. When we number our days, view them in the true light of their brevity, it's much easier to take a step back and intentionally form our response or reaction to every situation.
So, do the math. Number your days. Let that practice form within you a heart of wisdom, the beginning of the fear of the Lord. And then intentionally, with more than good intentions, conduct your marriage with wisdom.