Thanks For Those Memories I've Remembered
by James Snyder 10/06/2006 / Humor
A personís memory is a very funny thing n that is, if you can remember the punch line. Lately Iíve been getting the punch lines mixed up and sometimes forgetting which joke goes with which punch line. Nothing is sadder than having a bunch of punch lines and no joke to go with it.
Actually, memory improves with age. At least mine has. As far as Iím concerned, this is a terrific aspect of memory. Because, the older I get the better I used to be. Let me clarify this. These memories have to do with my life prior to my matrimonial status, for the simple reason nobody can challenge those memories.
Iím not sure if memory is gender specific, but Iím leaning towards the female gender for a very specific reason. My memory is always getting me in trouble with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, or, if memory serves me correctly, it is my lack of memory creating the hitch.
I have evidence to suggest my memory is in conspiracy against the rest of me. I can point to several occasions when my memory has held back certain specific information, which created problems between my wife and me.
Women, in general, donít understand this. A manís memory will never support him in any argument Ö or excuse me Ö discussion between him and his wife. During such discussions, a manís memory will deliberately hide the information he needs at the time to prove his points as well as distorting that memory making it invalid with his life.
No man chooses to forget, but no woman, especially wives, believes it. And, thereís no reason they should believe it, with plenty of evidence to the contrary, thanks to a manís memory.
Through the years, I have made a study of this and my conclusions are absolutely inconclusive. Actually, looking at my research data I find large areas of missing data. I know I have all the data I just cannot remember what I did with those missing pieces.
This brings up a very interesting point about memory. Excuse the technical term here, but I have what is called ďSelective-Memory-Syndrome.Ē This SMS rarely afflicts the feminine side of the marriage relationship.
I can assure you through the years my SMS has created some very difficult times for me, particularly in relationship with my wife. For example, I can remember exactly what happened 25 years ago right down to the last detail but I canít remember what my wife wanted me to pick up at the store before coming home.
Remembering something 25 years ago but forgetting my wifeís shopping list today does not endear me to You Know Who. Even if Iím driving home and she calls me on my cell phone, instructing me to stop at the grocery store to pick up several items, you can be sure Iím going to forget one. Because my SMS is in conspiracy against me, the item I forget is usually the most important item she wanted me to pick up.
Wives are funny in this matter. My wife, for example, never congratulates me on the item I remembered to pick up, but goes on and on and on about the one item I forgot. Even baseball batters are cheered if they hit one ball out of three, which may be why men love baseball more than women do.
I always try to look for the positive side in anything, and I have discovered one in my SMS. It has to do with my wifeís birthday. She wants me to remember her birthday every year but not necessarily which one.
This has been a little exasperating for me. Usually I remember which one, but not the date. To confuse me further, she wants me to overlook her age but insists on remembering how long we have been married. This does have me a little concerned because somebody is going to accuse me of marrying an eight-year-old girl.
I do remember, and donít let this get back to her, celebrating her 28th birthday six years in a row. I may not be very good in math, but this doesnít add up to me. This has happened several times and I understand why. I have no idea how old she really is.
The primary problem here is if I assume she is older than she really is, Iím in serious trouble. Consequently, I refrain from mentioning any numbers when it comes to her age. After all, youíre only as old as you feel, and right now, Iím feeling she is rather young.
Overall, I have to say I have a fairly good memory. But my memory is nothing compared with my wifeís. Her memory is so good she remembers things that never happened. With large gaping holes in my memory, Iím in no position to challenge her memory.
King Solomon in the Old Testament was an expert when it came to wives. Iím sure he concluded what many husbands have. Sometimes it is better to forget certain things. The important thing is to remember what to forget.
Some things we cannot afford to forget. Solomon put it this way, ďRemember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;Ē (Ecclesiastes 12:1).
Nothing is more tragic than having a fine set of memories but no memory of Godís intervention in your life.
James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, Florida and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.