3 Factors That Will Improve Marriage
by Angie Lewis 6/27/2007 / Marriage
Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. There are couples that have been married happily for years. So what keeps these marriages going strong until death? I don't believe it is just one factor that keeps couples together forever. I think it is several contributing factors all rolled into one that work together and here they are.
The most important and number one element for making marriage work is commitment. There is no doubt in my mind that being fully devoted to your marriage is a significant factor in its longevity. Couples that are committed are more apt to work through their differences and find compromising solutions. They are more aware of the blessings that marriage can bring and I believe because of their commitment they are more tolerant of each other's flaws. Couples who are committed tend to accept each other for who they are rather than try and change one another.
The second most important factor contributing to a healthy, fruitful, and abundant marriage is respect for each other's position in the home. For an example, I respect my husband and his position. I surrender to him in those particular areas where I should because I respect his judgment and guidance. I realize this is how he shows his love for his family. I have full confidence in my husband that he will lead his family in the way he should under the direction of Jesus Christ.
My husband respects my position. If my husband did not respect me, he wouldn't care what I did with my life; therefore he would not be protecting me the way he is supposed to according to God. This is how spiritual headship in marriage works. We have to allow our husbands to be the masculine influence in the home, because that is what works! I have three teenage sons and I want their dad to be the man around our home. What kind of an influence would we be showing our three sons, if their dad cringed with fear, while I constantly bossed him and belittled him?
I have done my research, a domineering and bossy wife and mother is not good for a young boys growing up years. It challenges their identity and later when they are older, they think they have failed as young men and they get ideas that are not of God. A man's position of spiritual influence and authority in the home is how he shows his undying love for his wife and family. That is the way a man can truly show his love, so let him do it!
I am fortunate enough to not have to go out of the home to work because my daily responsibilities are in the home. From home schooling two of my sons to cooking meals, from cleaning our home to gardening, from writing projects to updating our marriage ministry, and taking care of everything in between, I can honestly say my life and marriage is fully blessed.
What would happen if my husband belittled my cooking, or chastised me about the way I cleaned the home, or didn't like how I expressed myself on paper? I would not be blessed anymore because my self worth would be getting attacked. A man should never treat his wife this way! A husband who treats his wife in this manner won't have a very happy marriage.
In the same way, what if I scoffed at my husband's judgment and guidance over his family? Now that wouldn't be good, would it? Or what if I constantly berated him about the way he dresses or disciplines the children? Wouldn't that be disrespectful? Of course it would. These kinds of attitudes will literally tear a person down and it will eventually break the marriage apart!
So with that said, my last contributing factor for a happily ever after marriage is acceptance of each other, which is actually another form of submission. When we allow each to do what each does best we are actually submitting to each other, which is scriptural. Be loving and tolerant of each other is what God wants us to do.
Husband's, pay attention and watch how you treat your wife. Be gentle with her, always grateful that God blessed you with the woman you married. She needs your support and love everyday. Make time for her. If there is something special you would like for dinner, let her know, but don't put down her cooking, or belittle her calling with the Lord. Let her be.
Wife's, pay attention and watch how you treat your husband. Surrender to his influential position that God gave him and let him "be" the man of his home. Remember when a man protects you from harm, and tells you what is best for you, it probably is not selfish control, but his way of showing how much he loves you. Don't belittle him with harsh words of criticism or treat him like one of the children. A husbands calling is to love his family, so let him do that, and your marriage will be happily forever after.