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The Heart of a Marriage

7/01/2007 / Marriage

My heart is breaking right now as I have a very dear friend being faced with divorce. It's the second good friend of mine who has seen her dream for a marriage and family fall apart. It's tough. It's really tough.

I stand by and do what I can to offer encouragement, advice, strength, and a listening ear. But I still feel so helpless because nothing I do will ease her pain. I can't tell her that her children will understand or that everything will work out fair for her. I know better. And I know that life's not fair even if you've prayed your guts out, done everything you know how to do to be a Godly wife and mother - life can still smack you down.

I have told people that I see why God warns us against divorce. It's for our own good. It's to protect us.

I married someone who went through a divorce. I have seen firsthand how it can affect you. It affects everyone. It affected me. I was a victim of decisions and choices made before I even made the picture. And it doesn't matter if you think your divorce is Biblical or not - people still pay a price. People still hurt and their lives and families are forever fractured. Divorce is like a shadow. You can turn away from it - but all you need to do is turn back around and it's still there, facing you and reminding you.

I am blessed. As much pain as my husband and I have been through - God has held us through it all and lovingly, patiently helped us grow. He has gently molded us and is still molding us and bringing us to where and who He wants us to be.

But my heart breaks. It breaks for those who I see wanting to so quickly sign that dotted line and "start over." They have no idea. No idea at all what they are doing. It's a selfish move (in most cases) and one that will change the outcome of who their children would have originally been. In some cases, the children will be blessed in the future to have a Godly, loving stepparent enter the picture. In other cases, they may have people enter their lives that injure them further and take them further away from a loving, protective Heavenly Father.

Whatever the case may be - if you know someone considering a divorce, please pray for them. Encourage them to do whatever they can to hold onto their marriage. If they are in the throes of a divorce - don't ignore them just because you may not know what to say or do. They need loving, caring friends. Their children will need loving, caring, trustworthy friends.

I have learned that God's grace and mercy apply to everyone. If someone is ready to ask for it, and truly let it impact and change them - we should be willing to give them a second chance as well. But if they don't, they are going to remain broken, no matter what they tell themselves or what "free" path they think they will chase down in their lifetime.

Yes, my heart is crying. Oh how we trivialize the sanctity of our marriages! We trivialize the purity of heart as well as mind and body that we need to keep within our marriages.

Love is a choice. It's not always a feeling. And it may be downright painful at times. But that's what cements a relationship. Sticking it out together. Making that choice to not leave. To believe in each other. To choose each other. To prioritize each other. To forgive each other. To better each other.

Please pray with me for the families that are fracturing out there.

~Dionna Sanchez is Founder of and freelance writes. She also blogs at
Contact her at

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