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Satan Continually Trains His Demons

by Greg Miller
10/25/2014 / Humor

By Greg Miller 2014

Satan strictly enforced his training policy for his demons.

"All my helpers must remain thoroughly trained at all times," Satan told Mrs. Satan. "Every time I send a demon out on assignment, his or her job will also double as a training session."

"What if they do their job but fail the training part of the assignment?" asked Mrs. Satan.

"No big deal," Satan replied. "I just instruct the demon to 'shadow' their clients for an additional week to coax them deeper into my ways."

"You're so intelligent, Sweetheart. That gives the human and the demon an opportunity to get to know each other better, to develop their relationship."

"I do pride myself on good public relations," Satan grinned. "And I insist that my demons give 100 percent of their ability every day."

"What is the most important characteristic for a demon to have?"

"Every demon must be a good liar. A demon must always be able to tell a lie and make me believe it. That's my top criteria for promotion up the chain of command."

"What are the other criteria?"

"A demon must be able to sit in church and listen to the entire sermon from God's Word and not believe a word of it."

"What kind of personality does a demon have to have?"

"Personality doesn't matter much. I can take any demon with any type personality and coach him or her into becoming my messenger."

Satan continued, "Demons must also swear allegiance to me and promise to always despise God the father, Jesus Christ His son, and the Holy Spirit."

"Is it okay for your demons to laugh?"

"It is fine if the laughter eventually leads to human sorrow. They also are encouraged to laugh when someone dies. When a Christian dies, he or she is automatically ushered into Jesus' presence. When a sinner dies, unbelievable everlasting torment begins for him or her in hell."

"When did you start the on-the-job training for your demons?"

"Ever since my first day on the job," Satan bragged. "I knew God doesn't make mistakes, fail or lie, so I knew my job was going to be tough, and I knew I would need every advantage."

"What's the hardest part of your job?"

Satan enjoyed lying to his wife. "Having such a beautiful wife for my helper," he fibbed.

"You know I'm not very pretty."

"But you would be if you never brushed your teeth or combed your hair."

"Be careful, or will tell God everything you're saying about me."

"Don't waste your time doing that, Dear. The Lord already knows everything about me there is to know!"

To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraising Outreaches, Christian Creativity Seminars and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected] or send a message to facebook.com/kidcool4jesus.

By Greg Miller 2018

Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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